Oh Florida, oh Florida, how lovely are thy palm trees

Corey's blog inspired me. I started thinking about all the beautiful, cold-but-not-really-all-that-cold winters of my childhood. We would freak out if it got down to 50 degrees. Or if the water in our dog's bowl froze overnight. The cold was something of wonder. Something magical like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. True cold only happened once or twice in the winter and we would wait for it, asking our mom how cold it got last night, our eyes wide and eager. We were in awe of nights that dared reach 50 degrees or below. I honestly thought 50 degrees was "freezing." 32 degrees? You must be kidding, that's like Alaska weather. The song "White Christmas" held no meaning for us. Of course we had to wear coats (jackets really), but we thought anything below 70 degrees was super-chilly. There were those rare cold fronts that rendered us prisoners of the indoors, days when it was 40 degrees during the day! The first time I ever experienced snow was when I was 14 and I traveled to Fredericksburg, VA to visit my cousins for Christmas. My brothers and I never wanted to go inside because there was so much sledding to do. We could hardly believe how very very cold it was, but we loved it. Most years, our Christmas mornings consisted of opening presents, eating breakfast, playing in the yard (in our sweats cuz it was cold) and then taking our traditional drive out to New Smyrna Beach. We would pack a picnic and at the beach we would fish, build sand castles, and wade in the water up to our knees because it was too cold to swim. I went through beach withdrawals when my family moved to the Rocky Mountains when I was 16. I still miss the beach at Christmas time and when spring comes around, my heart aches for the ocean. Next Christmas I hope to be back in the land of "soft sands and balmy breezes." I know my heart will be.

what happened to miss independent?

Honestly ya'll; I'm just an insecure girl who wants to be loved. I'm just like any other girl who wants to be loved and protected and adored. I may act tough and pretend like I've got it all together, but like everyone else, I want to find the love of my life and begin the next chapter. Before I'd had any experience with love, I had these hugely unrealistic expectations of men and the man who would win my heart. I was looking for a man who embodied all of the characteristics and none of the flaws of my deceased father, who I'd put on a pedestal. I was looking for the sum of every great lover who has ever lived or been portrayed in books or on the silver screen. I assumed somehow that someone so perfect would be perfectly ok with my flaws or maybe that my flaws would disappear just by being with him. I like to think that I've matured significantly. I hope my expectations aren't unrealistic. I've learned a lot from my relationships and have been grateful for all of them. The only regrets I have so far in my dating life are not taking enough risks. I regret letting my fear of rejection stop me from opening my heart. What I require from a partner in a relationship are the things I require of myself. I may not meet all of these requirements, but there is a goal or a desire, and that's important too.

1. Faith. Not just belief. Belief + Action = Faith. Faith is an action word. Just like love. It's so much more than just professing to believe or to love, you must act on these things. I know that if you have true faith, you have a capacity for true love. Whether you realize it yet or not.

2. Passion. Please be passionate about something. What drives you, motivates you, inspires you? It can be me, but it needs to be something else too.

3. Integrity. Be a man of your word. Mean it, say it, do it, be it. Be true to me and true to yourself and it'll be all good.

4. Loyalty. Respect my trust and confidences. Once I let you in, you're really in and there is nothing worse than a betrayal of confidence.

5. Adoration. If you don't absolutely adore me, please don't waste my time.

6. Independence. Please be yourself. Keep being yourself. People change in relationships, just don't try too hard to meet anyone else's expectations - especially mine.

7. Tact. Ok, I know ya'll are thinking about all the times I've belched out loud or announced a fart, but I'm talking about true tact. Knowing how to act in every situation so that the people around you feel respected, confident, secure. Knowing when to speak up, step in, bow out, or clam up. Skill and grace when dealing with others.

8. Unconditional Love. None of this, "If only you would...were...did..." Either you love someone or you don't. Love isn't conditional. Don't ask me to be something I'm not and I'll return the favor.

I'm sure there's more, but my attention span is short. I also have a list of vain requirements (think Kronk), but I won't bother you with those right now. I'll save it for another day.

Bliss

Last weekend I bought a pair of lime green stilettos with a silver heel. Oh the joy of foxy shoes...

Dear Santa,

About my other letter, I really want to fall in love next year. A one year break was plenty. It's definitely time. Thanks in advance.

Love,

Nessa

Well Duh!

Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
Diagnosis: (ADHD), formerly called hyperkinesis or minimal brain dysfunction, a chronic, neurologically based syndrome characterized by any or all of three types of behavior: hyperactivity, distractibility, and impulsivity.


For real ya'll, this was the result of my test!

Foreign Affairs Blog

Foreign Affairs Blog
I thought this blog was cool. Check it out.

Monday

I won an X-Box at work.
I found out my older sister is pregnant again.
I made a mistake.
I bought a foxy red shirt.
I watched a dumb movie.
I made another mistake.
I didn't dream.

t.v. anyone?

Here is the dramatic tale of the electronics in my apartment.

When Ritz and I first became roommates, a tiny little tv came with her. This little tv served us well. It doesn't have a remote control, but we only used it to watch Law and Order and X-Files anyway so we didn't care. One day, a sweet Norwegian boy named Are came and sold Ritz a jacked-up DVD player. We should've known something was up because he kept saying how great it was and then told us to email him if there was anything wrong with it. He said it 3 or 4 times. We soon found out that it only plays some DVDs. Never the ones we really want to see. We spent the spring and summer in bliss; loving our little setup and defending it from the less appreciative who wanted to mock it. A month or so ago, my sister called and told me she was moving to Arizona right away and that she had a tv and vcr I could have. About the same time, one of Ritz' coworkers told her she had an extra tv we could use. I came home one day and Ritz had it set up in our bedroom. We spend days in there. I come home from work and make my dinner and go jump in my bed to watch Law and Order marathons. The tv is small, but it has a remote. Oh the joy of technology! One Saturday, Ritz and I borrowed Jay's truck and drove up to Sugarhouse to pick up my sister's tv and vcr. We visited with my darling Great Aunt Clyde. She is a sugar-cane-sweet southern belle. So charming and so adorable. She's 90 going on 30. After visiting for a while, we loaded up the truck and made our way back to Provo. Once we got home, we enlisted the help of Corey to connect our new older-but-bigger tv to our dvd player and vcr. After an hour or two, he got it all connected and even wired our dvd player to my cousin's stereo system so we can watch dvds with surround sound. He's a pal. We put our trusty little tv behind our sofa since we don't have any room for it anywhere else. On Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving), we went to Wal-Mart with Chris so he could buy a digital camera. Ritz found a new dvd player on sale, in hopes that it would play all of our dvds. It does!! We put it in our room and have watched many a movie in there. Wait. Some how I feel like I'm writing an annual Christmas letter, reporting about my tv's since I don't have any kids. This is pathetic. Holy crap I'm pathetic! I think the moral to this story is that I need to get out of my house! AAHH!!!

Dear Santa,

Thanks for helping Ritzy with her teeth. One down.

Love,

Nessa

Dear Santa,

This year I only want a few things ok? Hmmm... let's see. I would like for Ritzy's teeth to stop hurting. That would be so cool. I would also really really like it if Em's roommate would stop being psycho so Em can sleep at night. I want Kat to be appreciated at work and to get a huge raise and to find a normal (but extraordinarily good-looking) guy. I really want a Caroline-blog and I know everyone else does too. I want to see my friends more cuz I love them so much. I want Jon to fall madly in love and be happy forever. I want Chris to always remember the skills he learns in his stage combat class because you never know when he might need them. I want Nama to bring me lots of pictures from Pompeii and Herculaneum since I can't go with her. I want all of my friends to pass their finals. I want Jena to go out with Kronk. (I also want Kronk to fall in love with me.) I want Corey to write on his blog more often. I want Liz to get over her morning sickness. I want my brother, Dewey, to move to Provo so we can hang out and so he can marry one of my friends. I want Tiff and Gerka to find big beautiful burly men, either that or they can go on missions and then I could write them letters. I want my sister, Meme, to say yes and get married. I want Eddie to get everything on her list. I want my friend, Emily, to have a successful surgery and have her cancer go away. I want to fall in love next year because I didn't get to this year. That should do it, but you know me; you might get a letter next week too.

Love,

Nessa

Pandemonium continued...

My day:
I came to work with my whole day planned out in my mind. I knew what order things were going to be done and by what time. The first email I read when I came in today let me know that the system that is the backbone of everything I do during the day was down for maintenance. Basically, this means I can't do anything except answer questions, get yelled at by customers and blog, all day. I've looked at everyone's blogs today. Get blogging people! Some of you haven't blogged in weeks. So anyway, back to my day. The system has been up a grand total of 2 hours out of my 8 hour day. I've answered questions that shouldn't have been asked by agents who should already know, defended policies that I sometimes don't even know if I should and helped keep things under control. There were so many calls today. I am no longer a phone sales agent (as of like 9 months ago), so the stress of call after call is no longer mine. The stress of angry customers, broken computers, systems crashing (but mostly just sucking), sales agents taking unscheduled 30 min breaks when we're really busy, a person from another department trying to "help" me do my job and screwing things up and making customers madder and making more work for me when I have to fix it, and not getting paid any more for my trouble; oh yes, this stress is all mine. I vented to my supervisor for about 15 minutes and then told him I might be back for more in a minute. He just laughed. Does he not realize I'm doing his job too sometimes?

Pandemonium

Synonyms:
chaos, mayhem, bedlam, racket, uproar, hubbub.
Yup.
That about does it.
Welcome to my day.