and so it begins...

bittersweet

2012-01-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be packing right now. But packing would mean facing the reality that we are moving out of the darling little apartment we love - tomorrow. Last year was full of miracles and intense struggle. We are moving to remove some of the strain - although I know that our coming situation will bring new challenges. My heart is so sad to leave this place. I don't want to. I truly love this place. I've been reminding myself of the negative aspects of living here to try to help myself let go, but it isn't working. So what if it unexpectedly smells weird sometimes? This is my home. I planned to stay here as long as we stay in Arizona. I planned to give birth here - literally - in my own bed. Last year was so full of heart break. No babies came, unemployment, more battles with my chronic illness - the list goes on. We have fought so many spiritual and emotional battles together here. I love who we've become in this place. I know that we will continue to grow and love and that everything will be okay. I'm just not ready to let go.

A-Z of Me

2011-09-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm jumping on the bandwagon!

Age: 31.
Bed size: Queen.

Chore that you hate: Mopping.

Dogs: None currently, but I always had one growing up and I plan to adopt a couple when we have a bigger place!

Essential start to your day: Quiet, space, and a giant glass of water.
Favorite color: Greens and blues.

Gold or Silver: Both, but I'm really into gold right now, especially rose gold. Please only buy recycled or used gold, the gold mining industry causes far too much harm!
Height: 5'2".

Instruments you play: Extremely neglected flute, piano, and guitar. I have a violin, but no skills.

Job title: Self employed and it feels sooo good.
Kids: None yet.

Live: In the desert.
Mother’s name: Nina.

Nicknames: Lulu, Nessa, Lah-lah Ba-nah-nah.

Overnight hospital stays: 1, in 2009.

Pet peeves: Bad manners.

Quote from a movie: Too many to choose!

Right or left handed: Right.

Siblings: 7! I'm #6. 1 older brother, 4 older sisters, and 2 younger brothers.

Underwear: Clean.

Vegetable you hate: Celery. It ruins everything.

What makes you run late: I really try not to be late, I HATE it. I'd rather not show than show up late. When I'm late it's usually stress or anxiety related.

X-Rays: Teeth, left wrist (not broken), collarbone (not broken), right foot (broken in two places).

Yummy food that you make: Pizza is my favorite thing to make. I love to cook.

Zoo animal: I have mixed feelings about zoos. My favorite wild animals are elephants and giraffes.

I felt like this today.

2011-08-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

Decorating

2011-08-18T17:28:00.003-07:00

An auction house offered me a whopping $50 for both couches in my living room and the only response I've gotten from my craigslist ad is an email that asked, "Grandma, is that you?" While I find both of these things completely hilarious, I'm SO ready to be rid of these! Honestly, deep down I know they probably aren't worth more than $50 to anyone but my MIL (who had them custom made 20+ YEARS AGO and thinks they're worth a couple grand). I thought I'd at least make enough to buy a slipcover for the couch we're getting from my mom... maybe not.

A work of art in 1992.

Yeah baby, birds and flowers AND fruit. Don't be jealous.

Before you ask, slip-covering these couches is not an option, they are a really odd size and nothing fits. The couch from my mom is a more standard size and we can cover it easily. These smell like musty old goose feathers and I just plain don't want them. I'd give them away, but I'd like to be compensated for the pleasure of having these in my home for a year and a half. They have made decorating so easy (because everything goes with a raisin/green/turquoise/pink blend) and have been wonderful "conversation" pieces.

In trying to rid myself of them, I've done research and spoken to used furniture buyers and this is what you should know: Custom made furniture is nearly impossible to sell. Period. If it's old, but not a true antique, it's worth nothing. You heard right, NOTHING. No one cares that the frame is solid wood or that the cushions are goose down. People willing to buy ugly old furniture that isn't antique are looking for rock bottom deals. No one is willing to take on a 90's Chic pattern like this unless they're desperate or crazy. I've thought about getting rid of them since the day they arrived, but this time I'm serious. They're going to somebody by the end of next week. I'm ready.

I've been looking at decorating blogs and magazines for months and the styles that Grit and I both gravitate to every time is Cottage, Nantucket, and Cape Cod. Probably because we both grew up in coastal areas. Even though we live in the scalding desert, we're going to try to make our little apartment feel more beach cottage.

Our upcoming home decorating projects include:

-The Great Couch Purge of 2011.
-Replacing the fall colored engagement photos on the living room wall with some of the colorful photos we took on our Anniversary this year. (Already ordered! I'm picking them up later today!)
-New lampshade for a pretty antique lamp on loan from my mom.
-Painting our raggedy gray file cabinet a really great beachy blue. We went to Home Depot last night for tools and paint! I love gift cards. Did you know that all Martha Stewart paint is low-VOC now? Hooray! I'll try to remember to post photos when I'm done.
-Painting our 1970's computer desk (still choosing a color) and replacing the handles with enamel knobs.
-Sanding and refinishing various wood furniture we have: antique night table, walnut vanity, goose-neck rocking chair. The rocking chair also needs new upholstery.
-We're also saving up to get some original art. We already have a few pieces in mind!
-I'm also going to try my hand at creating some original art pieces for our home.

Wish me luck!

Tagged!

2011-08-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Jena, so here goes. A random thing about me and a favorite photo...

I'm not afraid of ghosts, just annoyed by them. I've sensed them since I was a kid, but in the past few years I've had one yell at me and one walk through my kitchen. I'm the ghost whisperer-whisperer because there have been a few different occasions when people I didn't know very well confided to me that they see ghosts and didn't know what to do, yet somehow knew that I'd understand. I do understand. I've advised friends and even ghost-busted for them. Betcha didn't expect that one?

Here's one of my favorite photos:

We took this when we were dating and just starting to get serious. It was really late, we'd been goofing off all day, and we were totally bonkers for each other. We still are.

The Story of Stuff

2011-08-05T15:11:00.001-07:00

This is really cool. It's about 20 minutes long.

Grit and I have really been trying to consume less and be more conscious of the impact of our lifestyle.

2011-08-05T14:07:00.000-07:00

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway."

~ Mother Teresa

Granola Revised

2011-05-10T15:21:00.000-07:00

I accidentally made the best oatmeal I've ever tasted a few weeks ago and I decided to use the same flavors in our granola and it's AMAZING. Seriously. This stuff is sooo good. Lemon, ginger, and vanilla.

4 C oats
3 TB brown sugar
2 tsp salt
2 TB flax meal
1/4 C veg oil
1/3 C lemon juice
1/2 C honey
1 TB vanilla
1 TB chopped ginger (I used crystallized)

These are rough estimates, add, subtract, and substitute all you want. Granola is hard to screw up.
I mix the dry ingredients and the wet ingredients separately and then mix them together. Spread it on a cookie sheet and bake it at 350 until it's crunchy enough for you. We stir it every 10 min or so and it's usually in there for about 30 min.

You're Welcome!

Doppelgänger

2011-04-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

Now that Grit has long hair, people tell him all the time that he looks like "that guy from Sons of Anarchy." Today we decided to finally look "that guy" up. It's Charlie Hunnam and it turns out that they look tons alike. See?

One Year!

2011-04-26T17:24:00.001-07:00

Easter Sunday was our one year wedding anniversary! I am so blessed to have this beautiful man in my life. Even though our weekend didn't work out at all according to plan, we still enjoyed ourselves! The poor guy got sick on Friday as we were venturing out for date night, so we headed home and had a night in. We celebrated a family birthday on Saturday afternoon and then went home so Grit could rest. He was completely miserable on Sunday and we spent the morning in bed. We did venture out to the Temple grounds to get some sunshine late in the afternoon. I'm glad I grabbed my camera at the last minute because we got some beautiful pictures despite the insane wind and the sick hubby! As it turns out, my life never goes according to plan and I'm finally learning to just let go and let it flow! I'm so glad that I chose this man and that he chose me.

OUR BEAUTIFUL EARTH

2011-04-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

This took my breath away. Thanks Nama!

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

More Auntie Time

2011-04-08T15:42:00.001-07:00

I spent my morning with these little hoodlums who were home sick from school so my sister could go to class and her husband wouldn't miss work. It's remarkable how they can be running wild one minute and napping with a fever the next. How did they get so big?

Freeze tag.

Can you believe the Boodj is 8 now? It's crazy!

We watched "UP."

I love the freckles on Cheeks' cheeks.

big changes

2011-04-07T13:08:00.001-07:00

So... I went ahead and changed it as you can see. I completely redid the layout and the name. I considered naming it "big changes," but I'm totally feeling "and so it begins" for now. What do you think? Any problems viewing it? The background should be textured, not blue. Any suggestions for me? I'm totally open to feedback as I'm still tweaking things. Lemme know.

A question for all 3 of my readers!

2011-04-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

I've had this blog for nearly six years now. It's always been called, "Interesting, but not too Interesting." The title came from a conversation I had with friends after dating yet another weirdo. My cousin, Brandon, pointed out that I always seemed to date very "interesting" guys. After discussing this with my girlfriends, I said, "I do like them interesting, but not too interesting." It was hilarious at the time. Seriously. ...maybe you had to be there. It totally worked since this blog was born of a break-up.

Anyhow, my question is, do I change the name of my blog? It's been a while and the title still cracks me up, but does anyone really get it? My life has changed and more changes are on the way. Time to move on, or keep it the same?

Discuss.

Testing... Testing...

2011-04-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm checking out Bloglovin. Anyone want to share their experience with it?

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Trust

2011-04-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

I have been very restless for the past week and a half. I have so much on my mind. From the moment I lost my job, I have been sure that things are going to be okay. I was really mad for a while and sometimes I still am. That job was such a specific answer to a prayer and was a long time coming. I learned a lot in the short time I was there and truly enjoyed my work. I was good at my job. I was the primary bread winner. My husband is a full-time student and has a part-time job. I do have concerns about making ends meet, but I have never doubted that things are going to be okay. I prayed long and hard about whether to take action against my former employer. God has left it up to me. I've decided to use my precious energy only for things that will benefit me and my family. I need to let this hurt go and move on.

Having this time to really and truly rest has paid off. I have been feeling stronger each day. I still have a lot of really difficult days, but they aren't as intense. My darling husband has been encouraging me to rest and meditate. There are days when I can do nothing. Days when the dishes are piled up and the laundry needs doing and I am too weak to get to it. I am so hard on myself on these days. He works and studies so hard and then comes home to care for me. He is letting me do what I need to and in my own way. This is such a gift. I have been thinking, processing, resting, and praying. I pray for him. That God will give him everything he needs and desires. That I can bless his life as much as he blesses mine.

Somewhere deep down, I've known all along what I'm meant to do with this time. I've been afraid of it. Afraid to ask and have it confirmed. Receiving an actual confirmation meant facing fears and having the faith to really and truly put it in God's hands. I need to feel in control; I always look before I leap and sometimes I don't leap because I've looked. Lately I've endured night after restless night of bad dreams and day after day of bad moods. Like Jonah, I had to stop ignoring the prompting to truly ask and have the courage to act. I gave in and spent a long time on my knees in conversation with God today. I knelt in a quiet place and spoke to Him out loud. It was the rare clear conversation that every prayer aspires to be. I asked, He answered. He asked, I answered. I laid out all of my fears. He reassured me. But for every promise, I expressed a new fear. But for every new fear, I received a promise. On and on we went until I agreed to trust Him completely and to do what He asks so that He can give me what I need. Once I truly put it in His hands, I received the peace and comfort that I have craved.

He is asking me to leap because He has already looked.

I trust Him and I know that everything will work out for our good.

Auntie Time

2011-04-04T19:59:00.001-07:00

My sister called me this morning to see if I could hang out with "Peaches" for a little while. I'm always game to hang with this hilarious little nugget. She'll be three in July and talks a mile a minute. I told her we could have some girl time. We painted our nails and she did all of her own makeup - which was hilarious. I handed her a palette of about a dozen lip colors and a lip brush and she went to town. We looked at her baby pictures on the computer, took a walk around the neighborhood, and just had an all-around good time. I love this kid.

Very focused.

She loved it and would NOT let me touch it up for her.

The blush had sound effects that sounded like the "Zs" in Zsa Zsa Gabor. I call this her Anna Nicole face.

Blush on my neck? Don't mind if I do.

She kept giving me these super serious looks and when I asked why she didn't smile, she told me she was feeling serious. Diva.

She hooked me up too. She was thrilled when she arrived and we were both wearing pink sun-dresses.

So proud.

I found Uncle Grit's candy! Bliss!

Checking out the backyard. She was concerned that we don't have toys back there.

This one is my favorite.

I love how determined she is. She knew right where she wanted to go.

Big Cosmic Sucker Punch

2011-03-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

Regular blogging is forthcoming. I promise! I have so many thoughts I want to share. I'm unplugging all day tomorrow and I'm going to miss my best friend, the internet, but it should be nice. It's just going to be for one day... we'll see.

I'm right in the thick of a horrible "episode" of chronic fatigue and it's literally running my life. It took me a few hours to wash a sink full of dishes today because I needed lots of breaks. I'm just spending a lot of time resting and trying to get better. As of last week I'm unemployed so I'm taking the time to heal. We just hope we can afford for me to do so. I'm also praying about and mulling over whether or not I need to take legal action against my former employer for discrimination and unfair dismissal. I don't feel like I have the energy for it right now. But can you really fire someone with a chronic condition for missing work and then tell them that you'll hire them back when they aren't sick anymore because they do such a great job when they're at work? Hello? Chronic condition. Been diagnosed for 10 years now. It's not going away.

Grit has been so amazing. He's so patient and gentle and gives me so much encouragement. I feel so bad when he has to do things for me because the poor guy has so much on his plate. He's a full time student, he works, and he's got a wife who is an invalid right now. I will pretty much do anything he asks me for the rest of my life because he's been so incredible through the past two months of this.

I'm just focusing on little tasks each day and truly taking the time to rest and I've got my fingers crossed that this big cosmic sucker punch passes soon.

Here's hoping.

Engagement Story

2011-03-29T18:50:00.001-07:00

We took this right after he proposed!

I'm posting a more detailed version of our engagement story that I shared on Jena's blog. I was so busy with wedding planning and trying not to kill family members that I really only ever posted an abbreviated version. Here you go! I adore my husband and our wedding anniversary is on Easter Sunday this year!

Garrett and I decided 5 months before the actual engagement that we wanted to get married but decided to wait before becoming "official" so his family would stop freaking out that it was too soon. We even ordered my turquoise ring and he had it stashed for the perfect moment. We went to the temple every week together and had a special spot on the grounds in the garden under a tree where we literally spent hours talking and dreaming together.

Garrett is really awful at surprises (which is part of his charm). So even though going to walk around the temple on a Sunday afternoon wasn't out of the ordinary, his behavior was, so I was pretty sure it was the day. We went to our spot and by some odd coincidence, the bench had been removed for repair, so there was a perfect place for him to kneel down.

Poor guy seemed so nervous that I pretended to be checking for new flowers while he got the ring out and got down on one knee. I totally pretended to be surprised, but I was very very happy! We both cracked up and we both cried and it was great! We still go to our spot and laugh about that time when I pretended to be surprised. He's still awful at surprises, but he's awesome! Our one year anniversary is on Easter!

Well hello there

2011-02-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

Hi friends. I've been reading so many blogs lately and completely neglecting mine. I've been feeling very nest-ish and really house hungry. I'm so over apartment life. Since Grit is still a full time student and we aren't planning to settle here long term, a house is pretty much out of the question. We're looking for a guest house or a town house to rent since our lease is up at the end of this month. I've really liked our little place, but we've been battling with mold since we moved in and it's been causing asthma problems for both of us. Also, all the windows are on one side of our apartment so we can never get a good cross breeze when the weather is nice. I've been looking at tons of interior design blogs and getting ideas for decorating small spaces. When we first moved in I didn't care what it looked like. I was busy trying to learn how to be married and we were trying to figure out how to merge two lives so decorating was not a big priority. Now that we're so much more settled together, I'm obsessed with organizing and decorating our space. I've recently gotten rid of tons of clothes and random things that have been sitting around in boxes for too long. It feels good to purge. We looked at a great little guest house close by that we loved, but they were asking a more than we can afford. We talked them down some, but in the end they wouldn't come down enough to make it worth our while. We'd be moving into a space with 110 sq ft less space with practically no storage for $150 more than we're paying now. We asked him to come down $100 and he'd only do $50. We're still looking. Wish us luck!

I want to be best friends with Nick! He's amazing!

2011-01-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

LOVE

2011-01-15T14:25:00.002-07:00

Singing with Heart? Yes, please!

Divas |Divas Photos |Divas Video |Celebrity News

My new fave.

2011-01-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. I just bought tickets to go see them next month!!! I'm so excited!

Divas |Divas Photos |Divas Video |Celebrity News

Blissful Saturday

2011-01-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

I spent the last 2 years working on Saturdays and I HATED it. I love Saturdays. I NEED my Saturdays. I love having my Saturdays back. I actually slept in today. It was amazing after a crazy work week. I opened all the windows as soon as I got up and have had a nice slow day cleaning and organizing my apartment. No stresses, no deadlines. No plans. Just maintaining my space and basking in the sunlight. Pandora is filling my day with mellow music by Amos Lee, Dave Matthews, Keb Mo, and more like it. My husband had to work briefly really early this morning and I sent him back to bed about an hour ago. He wants me to wake him up soon, but I probably won't. We both need to recharge. This day is totally hitting the spot. Welcome back Saturday my love.

Back with more cheer.

2010-12-11T13:22:00.000-07:00

As promised, I'm back with more cheer. I've felt so awful all week and finally feel like I'm on the mend.

But first, a quick breakdown of the 4 days of awfulness to purge it from my system:
Day 1:
Had an awful sore throat and tongue/fever/headache/body aches.
Went on antibiotics.
Had a crappy family crisis.
Day 2:
Antibiotics caused major body rash/face hives/dizziness/stomach cramps.
Stayed in bed. Cried a lot.
Day 3:
Stopped taking antibiotics and took benadryl.
Felt worse.
Fever/hives/disorientation (got lost going the 15 feet from my bed to the bathroom)/hallucination (for the record there is not a cricket or anything else in my womb).
Stayed in bed. Cried a lot.
Day 4:
Took no more benadryl or antibiotics.
Dizziness and disorientation lessened/hives began to subside.
My period arrived with a bang!
Excruciating cramps/back pain/nausea.
Family crisis is being handled better.

Officially, 4 days of hell. There's got to be a whole lot of happy on the other side of this for me.

I am now off the crazy-making meds and trying not to o.d. on ibuprofen for the cramps. Hubs cleaned the house, grocery shopping is done, laundry is going. And I finally started decorating my Christmas tree.

Without much further ado - here's some happy:

Since it's our first Christmas, we don't really have any ornaments or Christmas decor. Since I really like the idea of crafts but never have the time or the talent to pull most of them off, I nearly went out and bought a bunch of ornaments. The problem is, I don't like most ornaments. Glass balls hold no meaning for me. I think tinsel is the worst substance on the planet. I live in the desert and grew up in Florida so snow and snow related things don't hold any special place in my heart. When discussing the traditions we want to create, Grit and I agreed that we want to try to make everything we do around Christmas time mean something - tree ornaments included. The tree we had growing up was always a wild amalgamation of old and new, handmade and purchased. We all had special feelings about the things we'd made and hung on the tree. Stars made from popsicle sticks and yarn, snowflakes fashioned from glue and glitter, the carefully packaged fragile keepsakes that my mother hung up high. Since decorating the tree was a wonderfully chaotic group effort, the decorations were probably mostly clustered in clumps near the bottom and my wise parents always secured our tree to the wall using fishing line. When I saw the perfectly coordinated trees that others had, I thought they were pretty but felt no connection to them. I was always in awe of our tree each year. It was always perfect to me. We'd turn off all of the lights except those on the tree and sit together singing carols or just contemplating. My husband told me he never much cared for decorating the tree because he knew his mother was just going to change everything they'd done anyway. Her tree was coordinated and had to look "just so." He doesn't want to carry on that tradition. Me either.

We really wanted to do something with our tree that represented our year. I thought about knitting some wedding themed ornament but couldn't find anything that didn't look like super cheesy crap. (Side note: Why do people act like crap is a swear word? Honestly? That's weird.)

Any-who, After looking around our little place, I decided that I really wanted to use some of the seashells left over from our wedding decorations to hang on the tree. I was sure they'd have a lot of natural holes since the ones I collected at the beach always did. No such luck. I decided to try Grit's drill with the smallest bit he had. We found that by going slowly, we could get through most of the shells. After some trial and error, a couple of broken shells and one broken drill bit (sorry babe), we have a nice collection of seashells hanging on our tree. So far it's just lights and shells until we come up with something more. We're also going to wrap the base of our tree with some of the turquoise burlap we used as table runners at the wedding since most tree skirts make me gag. So we actually do have a themed tree, but WE are the theme. It's not perfect and it doesn't need to be. It's perfect for us!

Photos to come.

What's with the difficult?

2010-12-08T19:08:00.001-07:00

Life is hard blog friends. I'm trying so hard to embrace the Christmas spirit. I have a beautiful little Christmas tree in my bedroom that needs some decorating. I've put plans in place to make the Season about family and God and not about stuff. I announced to my family that we are not giving gifts, but are making plans to be together and all are welcome to join. (Reactions are a mixed bag - some people only want loot - whaddya gonna do?) There have just been some big kinks in the master plan as of late. My new job is great. Everyone is so very nice and helpful and I'm learning a lot. The only downside is that in the 3 weeks I've been there, I've been sick the whole time. I've missed 4 days of work. I feel awful and feel even worse asking for time off since I want so badly to be there learning and getting to know everyone and everything. I'm taking antibiotics now and have developed massive hives because of it. The joy just keeps rolling in, let me tell you. On top of all this, there is an unexpected trial that recently came on the scene that is making life so very hard. I'm really trying to focus on the blessings. I'm grateful for supportive friends and family. Ritz has let me call any time day or night and always gives the best advice. My Mom made me mulled cranberry juice and chicken soup from scratch after I showed up on her doorstep unexpectedly last night and then listened to my woes for many hours. I'm grateful for a wonderful new job. I'm grateful to have a place to live and to have all of the things I need. I'm grateful for a loving God and for His church. I'm sure there are so many more things I should be grateful for, but I'm spent. I hope to be back soon with more cheer. Thanks for listening!

Another haircut and good news!

2010-11-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

I'm loving having short hair again, it's so much fun. These are from an impromptu photo shoot in my bathroom. They aren't the best quality, but I like 'em. Thanksgiving was great. Grit and I spent it with my mom and siblings at my mom's house. I really love my family. Everyone is so chill - most of the time. Since it's going to be our first Christmas married, we're making plans to do our own thing and have been talking a lot about the traditions we want to start as a family. The one tradition we want to carry on from both of our families is to spend part of the day outdoors. My family always went to the beach for the afternoon and his went snow skiing. Here in the desert, we're going to go for a hike. I'm really looking forward to it!

In even better news: I finally got a new job. After putting up with a lot of crap from my former employer for nearly 2 years, I'm going back into social services. I started last week and I love it so far. I have a lot to learn since my social service experience has been working with the homeless population and victims of crime. My new position is working with foster families. I'll be helping families through the process of getting licensed and acting as a support and advocate. I was beginning to get really discouraged since I have been actively applying and interviewing for jobs for 2 years and nothing worked out. I even had an interview where they told me I was their favorite candidate and that they'd get back to me ASAP and I still didn't get it. When I found this job, I nearly didn't apply because it had been on a job board for more than a month and in this economy that usually means it's already been filled. I kept going back to it though and they called me 45 minutes after I emailed them my resume. I interviewed a week later and although it went really well, they said they had more interviews to do and would get back to me the week after Thanksgiving. They called me 3 hours later! and asked me to come back the next day (Thursday) for a second interview. The second interview went better than the first and after it was over I stayed for about 20 more minutes just laughing and joking with the team that interviewed me. Again, they said they'd get back to me after Thanksgiving. The next day (Friday) I sent a thank you email for the opportunity to interview with them and they called me 20 minutes later to offer me the job. I was over the moon! I started the following Monday and tomorrow will be my second week with them. As I was leaving the second interview, I understood why God took a little while to answer this particular prayer. I'd been praying for the very specific things I needed in a job. A regular 9-5, no weekends, full benefits, good pay, respectful of family time, respectful and appreciative of my abilities, wonderful work atmosphere, awesome co-workers, no more than 10 miles from home, working in a field a can feel good about. When you get specific, sometimes you have to wait, but let me tell you, God answers prayers. I feel as though this job was made for me. He knows me, knows not only my needs, but my wants and has truly blessed us.

Halloween 2010

2010-11-04T16:20:00.001-07:00

I'm so proud of myself for posting these before next year! My family LOVES Halloween and although Grit has hated it his whole life, he's warming up to it. The family gathered at my sister's house to party. I couldn't decide on a costume and was planning on going without but decided last minute to use the extra wedding dress (that's a whole other story!) and to make my makeup dark and creepy. It worked great. Grit was going to be a viking but decided he wanted to throw on the vest he wore for our wedding and try to match me. It was too hot for the whole suit. My nephews kept telling him he looked like a hippie. My 2 year old niece was a little bit scared of us at first, but she got used to us!

Homemade Granola

2010-10-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

I made granola from scratch today. Grit eats granola by the bucket and the good stuff is expensive. For reals, the man's metabolism is in overdrive - he's a bottom-less pit! I found tons of recipes for granola online. I'm amazed at how many of these recipes are trying to to pass themselves off as healthy when they're more like a dessert snack food. I ended up blending a few different ones together and had to leave out cost prohibitive ingredients like dried cherries ($8 a pound? Seriously?). Grit loves raisins. And sunflower seeds. This recipe isn't too sweet and has a very warm flavor. I used a little too much nutmeg so I'm going to halve it next time. Granola is really really easy and I'm going to try different spices, nuts and fruit next time. Here's my recipe:

Preheat oven to 350

4 C rolled oats
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg (I used 1 tsp originally)
3 TB brown sugar
2 tsp salt
2 TB flax meal
1/3 C vegetable oil
1/3 C apple cider
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 C honey
1/3 C sunflower seeds
1/2 C raisins

Put the dry ingredients (oats, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, and flax meal) together in a big bowl and combine. In another bowl, combine the vegetable oil, apple cider, vanilla, brown sugar, and honey and whisk until blended. It's not going to stay blended, so pour it immediately over the oats and mix together until it's coated. Pour it onto a baking sheet and spread it out. Put it in the oven for 10 minutes. Take it out, add the sunflower seeds, and stir it around. Put it back in the oven for 10-15 min or until it's browned to your liking. Take it out and let it cool completely. Add the raisins or fruit of your choice and store in an airtight container.

See? Easy.

We'll see if this holds him.

I totally want one of these

2010-10-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

When I Grow Up...

2010-10-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

I want to be Erica Domesek.

Check out this tour of her very cool home.

Now I want one of these to organize my life with.

*sigh*

Obsessed

2010-10-05T15:21:00.000-07:00

Cooking is my new thing. I'm loving it. I've always loved it, I've just never made it a true priority before. Life is just as hectic as ever, but taking the time to prepare meals seems to ground me. Thanks to Nama, I have some new favorite food blogs. I already make most of our food from scratch since I have quite a few allergies and sensitivities. Grit and I have discovered that we have a lot more energy when we avoid prepackaged and processed foods and eat whole foods. Because of my sensitivities, I've had a tendency to just make the same things over and over and now I'm using food blogs to help me branch out. I'm learning more about good substitutions for dairy and corn and wheat. If you have resources for me, I'm open to them! I want to become the Queen Mother of wheat free baking. Wish me luck!

Better Late than Never!

2010-09-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Halloween 2009. Hee hee.
Featuring: Me as Medusa, Grit as Zeus, Peaches as some kind of Sparkly Princess and as Herself with Wig, Boodj as a Mummy, Cheeks as a Police Officer/Spider Man, Ritz as Hermione, Mika the dog as Herself, Shiny as Himself and as Himself with Wig, Spanky aka Dewey also as Himself and Himself with Wig.

Forgive me for the awful photo formatting - blogger changed it and I haven't got it wrangled yet!

Change is in the Air!

2010-09-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

I loved my old blog template, but I needed a change. The air and the light are different here now. It's still crazy hot (108+ today), but at least the breezes are cooler. It's actually nice at night too. I can hardly wait for Fall 'cuz it's my favorite! I realize now that I never posted any Halloween photos from last year and it's almost that time again! I'm planning on throwing a costume party again this year. Grit is going to be a Viking and is growing out his very red beard to be ready for it. I haven't decided on a costume yet. Any suggestions?

Today

2010-09-15T15:05:00.003-07:00

I'm doing my best to stay focused on enjoying the journey. Life changes so quickly and I used to have this terrible habit of ignoring the moment and focusing on the future in the extreme. Right now I am sitting at a sturdy second hand desk that I've fallen in love with and hope to keep around forever. Pandora is singing me folk songs. My skin still has the faint scent of chlorine from my morning swim although I've showered since. My freckles are popping from the sun and I spent a beautiful lazy morning laughing with my husband. We don't get many of these. He's gone back to work for the afternoon and I'm catching up on blogs and feeling the need to share and communicate. This blog used to be so important to me. My life-line. I keep thinking that I don't have a much time for it now, but I was busy before and I made the time. I'm going to try to make it a priority again. We're both determined not to get bogged down by our daily routine. We are both working hard to make ends meet and I'm hopefully going to begin a second job soon. Grit is working, in school full-time, bikes everywhere he needs to go, and studies so hard. There are days that we're both sound asleep by 9:00pm and days we wish we were. I want to be in this moment. These early days of being newly-wed. Working so hard together so that we can achieve our goals. I love the moments when I catch a glimpse of my husband and his beauty takes my breath away. I picked him up from work yesterday and got butterflies as he was loading his bike into the back of the car. I love having someone to laugh with every single day and am consciously trying to relish each moment, even the disagreements and misunderstandings. It is all so very worthwhile.

Remembering

2010-09-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

On the morning of September 11th, 2001, I was volunteering at the Salvation Army in Findlay, Ohio, a full-time missionary for the LDS church. We heard reports that something was happening over the radio and someone plugged in a t.v. My companion and I held each other tight and with tears running down our faces, we watched the second tower fall. I remember the horror, fear and speculation that we shared with everyone around us. There were reports that there was a plane headed for Cleveland and we were all very worried, even though we were two hours away from there. We were advised to stay away from government buildings and to stay home and wait for news. In the days that followed, the world grieved with us and so very many people came together. There seemed to be something in the air that encouraged people to be more courteous, more patient, and more understanding.

Then came the anger.

Anger is a natural part of grief. While I support the need to get answers and seek justice, I have never been okay with the vilification of Islam. I grew up with many Muslims and my experience with Islam has always been positive. The first time I heard Toby Keith sing about lighting up the sky and putting his boot in someones ass, I was HORRIFIED. I will not listed to his music even now because of it. I could not support something called Shock and Awe - the ones who truly suffered had NOTHING to do with our tragedy. I think about the terror of children woken from their sleep to the sound of bombs. Thousands of innocent Iraqi people are dead. I believe wholeheartedly in accountability and consequences, but not revenge. It bothers me that some waive the American flag while spewing anger and hate and intolerance. This quote by Barbara Kingsolver is one of my favorites:

"But our flag is not just the logo for wars; it is the flag of American pacifists too. It's the flag of all of us who love our country enough to do the hard work of living up to its highest ideals."

-Barbara Kingsolver, Small Wonder

About a year after the attacks, I was in a new area in Ohio knocking on doors on a beautiful summer night and met the most wonderful Muslim family. They invited us to sit on the porch with them and enjoy the night air. We spent the time talking about all of the things our religions have in common and our hopes for the world. I learned much more about Islam and I left that porch with an even deeper understanding and respect for it.

My heart goes out to all who have lost loved ones in this conflict - all over the world. I hope that we can all be cautious and careful about the way our actions may affect others.

Gone baby gone!

2010-08-28T08:36:00.005-07:00

I'd been craving a change for a while and kept my hair long until the wedding passed. About 3 weeks after the wedding Grit got tired of me whining about my hair and handed me the phone to call my stylist. Usually I mull over a big change for a few months while I sort through photos but after the call I had less than 24 hours to decide. I pulled a photo out of a folder I'd been saving since my days at hair school and went to my appointment the next morning. My stylist, AJ, said that brides always come to chop all their hair off about 3 weeks after the wedding! I couldn't be happier with my short hair and don't know what took me so long!

Finally! Wedding Photos!

2010-08-25T18:00:00.003-07:00

As promised, here are some photos from my wedding. 4 months isn't too late is it? I am married to the most wonderful man. I realize that I haven't posted much about him or our relationship. Mostly because my life has been a whirlwind since he showed up. A good whirlwind. But it's also because so much about this relationship and this process has been so deeply personal and sacred to me that I've not wanted to put it out there for the whole world.

It's funny how I have written extensively about what I wanted and needed in my life and now I look back and see that all of those things have come to me. Not because I was interviewing men with a checklist in hand; of course there were certain things I was looking for and paying attention to when I met Grit, but it wasn't until I was really in it that I realized how perfectly well suited to me he is. I know that God had a good deal to do with bringing us together. He knew who and what I needed. I've looked back on some of my old posts about what I wanted and needed and there Grit was. It hasn't been all daisies and roses. Honestly, this relationship has been the most labor-intensive I've ever had. So much communication and evaluation and compromise. Ritz knows me better than most people and pointed out to me that she'd never seen me so willing to put the effort in to make it work. Best friends who put things into perspective for you rock.

Remember this post? When we were getting really serious, I looked back at that post and that's what really helped me reach out and open myself completely to this man. That's when I knew that this man was the answer to so many prayers. We both knew, almost in the exact same moment, that we wanted to spend our lives together. So cheesy, yet so true.

So here we are! Enjoy the photos! All of these were taken by Jean Paul Gomez - a very talented photographer and my brother-in-law! He's based out of Orlando, FL - holler if you need some photos taken! (click on them to make them big)

We're all geeked out with happiness!

My siblings are on the left, his are on the right.

Cheeks was a little overwhelmed by the whole situation. La Ritz the Maid of Honor of the Year! is in the foreground.

My amazing sisters and sister-in-law put this GORGEOUS thing together in my Mama's kitchen the day before the wedding. They did all of the flowers.

It was such a sunny day some of the guests got sunburns! It wasn't hot, just really bright!

I love the cactus shot. That's the good 'ole desert for you.

Dapper Man.

This is the bench where he proposed to me!

Geeky gross love. :)

Boodji and Cheeks were cutting a rug for hours. This is them warming up the dance floor before the guests arrived.

Boodji and Peaches

We held the reception in my Uncle's beautiful back yard.

I designed the tables and my Mama and sisters put it all together. They were so very great, I couldn't have done any of it without them!!!

Our wedding party was basically these little monkeys and their baby sister.

Peaches LOVES her Uncle Grit!

We had key-lime pie instead of a cake.

By the time we hit the dance floor my shoes were long gone.

Workin' it.

2010-07-30T18:02:00.005-07:00

We're shopping for a new computer. We have one rickety old desktop and two terribly old laptops that are of very little use to us. Something's got to give! I can't live without a computer right now in my life. I read so many blogs that I love and we both use the computer for EVERYTHING from online budgeting to recipe finding and how-to videos and Grit is about to start school... it's time.

Grit has finally decided to major in electrical engineering. He wants to get involved with solar technology. I'm all for it. I'm pretty much all for whatever he wants to do. I'm still slowly working on my Doula certification. We're trying to decide how much schooling he wants to do here before we move out East. We both really want to move - we're just worried about jobs and not having family close by. It'll be a big and scary leap for us, but we're going to try to do it next Spring.

Censorship

2010-07-16T17:25:00.006-07:00

I've been reading birth books like crazy lately trying to get my Dona certification done and have read so very many amazing ones. If you need a recommendation, let me know. If you want to know what to avoid, let me know. While I was getting ready for work today, my darling husband started flipping through one of the books I recently picked up at the library and found that some kind (read: crazy) soul had carefully cut out mini post-it strips to cover some of the breasts and labias in the book. The offending spots seemed to be chosen at random since there were plenty of graphic photos of childbirth that were left untouched. We flipped through the whole book cracking up and removing the censor-its. Maybe you find line drawings and photographs of childbirth offensive, but I certainly hope not.

I'm not dead!

2010-06-26T18:33:00.003-07:00

I promise to return to blogging soon! We don't have internet in our apartment right now so I'm limited to checking my email and such wherever I can for the time being. Here's a brief summary of what's going on with me:

Married life is good, I'll post some photos before too long!
I chopped all my hair off last month at the suggestion of my darling husband and I LOVE it.
I'm back to work on my Doula certification and am up to my ears in birth books.
We're contemplating moving out of Arizona - we need an adventure! Hopefully we don't chicken out!

I have so many things I want to blog about and I'm determined to do it soon!

Speaking of birth books, I just read my most favorite one in the entire world, "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin. Read it. Love it. I sho' did.

Woman Sings While In Labor

2010-03-24T12:49:00.001-07:00

This is amazing and takes my breath away. As I study and prepare to become a doula and childbirth educator I am constantly amazed at the strength and beauty of women. Birth is not something to fear. Even when medical interventions are absolutely necessary, it can and should be a beautiful experience.

Wedding Website

2010-03-14T15:51:00.002-07:00

Hola Peeps!

We made a wedding website! Go check it out and sign the guest book!

To view it go HERE.

41 Days and counting!

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T20:26:00.000-07:00

I hope you have a wonderful year. I'm looking forward to everything that the New Year brings to me for better or for worse. I'm determined to focus on enjoying every step of the journey this year. God bless!

2009-12-24T16:10:00.001-07:00

Merry Christmas!

Kindness

2009-12-15T23:26:00.006-07:00

While I was stuck in traffic that literally moved at a snail's pace for 30 minutes, I saw several acts of kindness on what is otherwise a very unfriendly freeway. People drove slowly and cautiously. They paused to let one another move lanes since we all had to merge from six lanes to one. People nodded and smiled at one another and there seemed to be no rushing or rudeness. Several people cleared a path and several more jumped out of their cars to help push when an older vehicle stalled from all the idling. I still don't know the extent of the accident we passed, but I know that 4 fire engines, 4 ambulances, and several police cars usually isn't a good sign. Neither is a slow moving ambulance and a red tarp on the freeway. I prayed for those involved and for their families as I passed. I was touched by the small acts of kindness I witnessed today.

Blessings

2009-12-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be very honest right now. Things have been REALLY hard for me recently. As the stresses have piled up, I've become increasingly negative and mean and unhappy. At first I was able to brush things off and move on, but after a while that became difficult to do. Things became so stressful and hectic that I was no longer enjoying the process of planning my wedding and have been having panic attacks. The combination of normal everyday stresses plus trying to balance the schedules of two very busy people plus trying to plan this beautiful important day on a shoestring plus trying to win over my future family who appear to not want this to happen equals a toxic combo for me. After weeks/months of stress, I spent last weekend alternating between anger, anxiety, sadness, and tears. Lots of tears. Garrett has been a champ. He's always calm. Always patient. He holds me and seems to know just what to say. He fights for me and advocates for me and loves me. When I came home from work yesterday afternoon I was in a horrible and sour mood. I considered calling in sick for the next week and hiding from everyone so my meanness didn't cause any problems. I sat down at the computer to work on the wedding guest list (which has been a source of contention and stress) and instead decided to catch up on blogs. It's been weeks since I've sat and just read blogs. I got to one of my favorite blogs, the NieNie Dialogues, and read through several posts I'd missed; this one caught my attention. Read item 6. (Read her whole blog) She spent Thanksgiving in the burn unit due to complications and this is what she had to say, "Mr. Nielson and I cuddled on my hospital bed over-looking the East river laughing and crying over our misfortune, which led to counting our blessings, which led to prayers of Thanksgiving." Reading this put things into perspective for me. She has been through so much and yet her life is full of hope and joy and love. Because she makes a choice. I need to take the time to count my blessings and offer prayers of thanksgiving. My life is full of them. I just needed some perspective.

Here's a sampling of my many blessings. If I tried to list them all, I'd be typing for days.

-A loving God who knows and understands everything about me. I do recognize that everything in my life is a gift from God.

-Garrett. He is devoted and gentle. He always puts me first. He lets me freak out and isn't afraid to stand up to me. He always holds my hand. He kisses me in public. He's patient when I'm not. He thinks my tantrums are funny. He can turn my tears into laughter. He loves my body. He understands that I need to be kissed and held often. He takes me to the temple once a week. He lets me style him. He sits still while I give him long haircuts. He grew a beard for me. He loves the ocean as much as I do. He accepts my family for who they are. He dreams with me. He helps my Mama. He's very handsome. He's always warm when I'm cold. He's great with my nephews and niece and wants a family as badly as I do. He loves it when I sing to him. He likes my smarts. He respects me. He tells me he loves me several times a day. He looks at me in a way that lets me know that he adores me. He is honest and goodness radiates from him. He is exactly what I need. He loves God. He is a gift.

-Amazing friends who stand by me and support me and let me vent and help me keep my focus.

-My family. They're thrilled about the wedding and love Garrett. My mom is making significant sacrifices to help us with the wedding. My uncle and aunt are allowing us to use their beautiful yard for our reception. Various aunts, uncles, and cousins have offered to help in many ways. My dad's cousin is making me a custom wedding dress. Everything is going to be beautiful thanks to my wonderful family.

I'm going to focus more on my blessings every single day.

One of my new favorite things!

2009-11-23T10:39:00.001-07:00

I recently stumbled across this group and I'm in love! Look them up on youtube, you won't be disappointed!

News

2009-11-19T11:01:00.004-07:00

I know it's been a little while since I posted and I promised you Halloween photos! I haven't uploaded them yet, but I will... um... soon-ish. Life is great right now. Busy and hectic and wonderful. For those of you who haven't heard, Garrett and I got "officially" ENGAGED on November 8th! Garrett gave me a turquoise ring and proposed in my favorite garden under my favorite tree. I'm happy that Garrett appreciates that I am a strange amalgamation of traditional and unconventional and he just rolls with it. We looked at diamonds - good diamonds - and I found that I just wasn't interested. They seemed so cold and I absolutely would not wear one unless we purchased it through a company involved in the Kimberley Process. Turquoise is my favorite stone and we found the perfect ring. I love it. I love him!

Now we're working on wedding planning and it's really not as fun as we would like. I think it would be easier if we had a little bit more emotional support from family, but such is life. We've dealt with a few big challenges in the past 6 months and we keep joking that the first year of marriage will be a piece of cake for us! We're closer and stronger for it. Garrett is so wonderful and loving and supportive. I am so blessed to have him in my life! We're getting married on March 19, 2010. Right now we're working on our guest list and looking at wedding announcements and getting ready to have engagement photos taken. We already have our reception planned out and just have to figure out how to execute it. We're thinking of scrapping it all and just eloping to the LDS Temple and being done! Yeah right, everyone knows I want to throw a rockin' party. We're trying to keep things very simple and any advice from friends is greatly appreciated! I know this post is ramble-y and probably pretty gushy and obnoxious, but I'm allowed, okay? Okay?

I'm annoying myself now and I'm terrified of becoming this, so I'm going to go get ready for work and I'll blog again when I feel more rational. Hee hee.

Hello Friends!

2009-10-27T16:35:00.003-07:00

I am really excited for Halloween! I'm throwing a Halloween party for my family and friends this year. No one gets through the door without a costume. I don't recall EVER seeing my mom in a costume. I mean EVER. I'm throwing the party at her house and she HAS to dress up. First she said she was going to be a queen. Now she's going as a witch. But not like your typical black dress black hat striped tights witch. A quirky Terry Pratchett-ish witch. It's gonna be awesome. She asked me to scout out a wig for her while I was shopping yesterday and Garrett and I stumbled upon a layered 1980's rocker wig in full crimp and I couldn't resist. She loves it! I'm going as Medusa and am having a devil of a time finding small rubber snakes to go in my hair! But I'm sure I'll find some before too long. Garrett is going as Zeus. I told him it takes a real man to let his girlfriend put gold glitter all over his face. I can hardly wait. I'll be sure to post photos!

What are you doing for Halloween this year?

2009-10-08T00:13:00.004-07:00

Just a quick update!

Life is so busy! But so good.

My gallbladder came out in July. I am much happier without it and the recovery was surprisingly quick. Apparently I would have had gallstones for the rest of my life if I hadn't. It's one of those hereditary things I just couldn't escape.

I am crazy in love. I am amazed that after too many years of dating I have actually found someone who I am so compatible with it's scary. If you want to know what he's like, read all my old posts tagged "L'Amour," especially the ones where I list my wants/needs. I've been describing him for years.

For years I've had an interest/obsession with midwifery and natural childbirth. I have been toying with the idea of becoming a midwife for the last 10 years. I'm considering it very seriously now. I was determined to begin my schooling next Spring but I will be occupied with other exciting and worthwhile activities so it will get pushed back one more year. To get my feet wet and become involved in the local birth community, I am beginning training in November to become a DONA certified birth Doula. I've already ordered all of my materials and have begun reading everything I can get my hands on. One of my dear friends is having a baby next month and has asked me to be her Doula. I am honored and so excited! I was present for two of my sister's births and I have to say that it is the most amazing and fascinating thing. I'm obsessed. Truly.

I am still looking for just the right job closer to home. I am grateful that I have a job at all and that I can pay my bills. The search continues...

Watch This

2009-09-10T22:09:00.002-07:00

Watch this short film, it's sweet. It's about 20 minutes long. I'll get back to posting soon.

This is AMAZING!

2009-06-24T11:53:00.001-07:00

Her Morning Elegance / Oren Lavie

it's all good

2009-06-18T13:45:00.004-07:00

I love that I can vent on my blog. Kinda like how I did in my last post. This post is NOT like that. This post is about happy things.

First:
My health has improved. Naturopathic docs are AMAZING. Instead of getting a surgical consult like I was told, I made an appointment with my sister's naturopathic physician. She put me on a special diet and gave me supplements and a special herb tincture and you know what? It's working. I haven't had any gallbladder attacks and my blood work looked better after just one week. I feel so blessed. We're still taking it a day at a time and there is still a chance that I could need surgery, but it's less and less likely every day.

Second:
I'm making ends meet and have some maybe potential job prospects. Things are okay.

Third:
So far, nobody is hurt. Everything is not completely resolved and I don't know that it ever will be, but I'm okay with it. I processed it and moved on.

And last but not least...
I'm in a relationship with an adorable man. Truly. He's great. We've been keeping it on the down-low, but I'm over all that. Aren't we cute? Even though these were taken at 2am after a really long day and we're both crazy-tired... and we couldn't get our faces in sync very often? For reals... we're so adorable sometimes I can't even stand us. Hee hee. Yeah right. I can't get enough.

sick, broke, and twisted

2009-06-02T23:35:00.001-07:00

I have WAY too much going on in my life right now. Don't get me wrong, life is still so very good. I have a lot of really good things and people in my life right now, but I'm also feeling REALLY overwhelmed so I've got to get it ~~all~~ some of it out here. I know that this too shall pass, but that doesn't make the present moment suck any less.

First things first.

I've been in the ER twice, twice! in the last 5 days. My sister took me in on Friday and the PA acted like excruciating abdominal pain was normal, took some blood and urine, told me I'm not pregnant (duh) and wasted 5 hours of my day. My diagnosis according to her? Heartburn. I've never had heartburn in my life, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't feel like my upper abdomen and back are in a vice while an enormous fist is punching me in the stomach. Thanks anyway. When I told her that I have a family history of appendicitis and gallbladder problems, she told me that I was overreacting. I wanted to scream in her face but I refrained.

The second visit happened today because all of a sudden I was in so much pain at work I could barely breathe. I told one of my coworkers to call 911; it was that bad. My boss drove me the 2 blocks to the hospital. They took care of business in 3 hours (blood, urine, ultrasound) and told me I have gallstones... but they aren't positive that they're the cause of my pains. So basically, I have to go see a surgeon and get more tests done and I might be losing an organ and I don't even care as long as that EVIL pain never comes back. The staff at the second hospital was amazing, they didn't treat me like I was stupid, or get my blood all over the place while trying to draw or ignore me for 5 hours. I had someone with me the whole time. And my male nurse was adorable, which always helps. They did somehow manage to make me feel guilty for my healthier lifestyle and recent weight loss. Apparently weight loss can contribute to gallbladder problems. That's just great.

On top of this, the angry redhead is storming into town as I type, so I've got some extra crampage going on.

My second issue is money. As in, I need it. As in, my current part time job has been covering my expenses, but my boss just cut my hours back. It's stressful. I need to find a full-time job closer to my house soon. I could use some prayers.

My third issue is the one I want and need most to blog about, but I can't. Because it also involves two other people and it's not my place to share their business with the world. All I can say is that with absolutely the best intentions, I've created a tangled situation wherein someone will inevitably get hurt. It will most likely be me. If not me, it will be someone very close to me and I have to accept that I caused it. I've done what I feel is best, but even good intentions can have painful consequences.

It's hard to be a grown up sometimes.

Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy

2009-05-20T09:28:00.009-07:00

My birthday was yesterday. I am now 29. I was kinda freaked out about the number 29, but I got over it. The past few days have been fantastic!

Sunday my family had a barbecue for me and I took a bunch of photos with my hilarious nephews. My sister now has four chickens in her backyard and when I asked Cheeks what he named his chickens he said, "SuckyLucky." One word, two chickens. When I asked Boodji what he named his chickens he said, "Jaw and Rit." I asked him if Rit was named after Ritz, and he blushed head to toe. He is seriously crushin' on Ritzy. Can you blame him? Jaw is named after Jaws, the shark.
My sister told me that Sucky had a mishap on Sunday morning.
The boys had been playing outside when they came screaming into the house, "Luke killed Sucky! Luke killed Sucky!" My sis and bro went running out to find poor little Sucky laying motionless under a tree. Apparently, Sucky had gotten a little too close to Cheeks and he got nervous, so he smacked her with a shovel. But miracle of miracles, she was only stunned! As soon as they touched her, she jumped up and started running around. Now Cheeks preaches the importance of being nice to animals and babies to whomever will listen. It's an important lesson to learn when you are very nearly 4 years old!

Monday consisted of:
Chillin' and not working.
Quality cuddle time with my new friend.
A sleepover at Ritzy's.

Tuesday:
I woke up really early and started singing random birthday songs to myself.
Ritz took me to breakfast.
I got lots of birthday phone calls.
I spent time with Cheeks and Baby E and said hello to Sucky the miracle chicken.
I took a nap.
I went to dinner with Ritzy and Steph (thanks ya'll!!) and saw "Angels and Demons" which was AWESOME.

It's been great!! I have the greatest family and friends!

Gratitude

2009-05-17T23:22:00.011-07:00

I have a lot of good things going on in my life right now so I'm going to make a list of things I'm grateful for.

Having a job. It may not be my favorite, but my bills are getting paid.
My ZANY and amazingly loving family.
My 2 nephews and niece who live close by and who are always as happy to see me as I am them!
My supportive, forgiving, and hilarious friends. Ya'll just get me. Thanks.
Quiet moments of introspection - there've been a lot of these lately.
Journals with lots of pages that help me get my crazy jumble of thoughts out where I can see and organize them.
A loving God who allows me to make mistakes and helps me learn from them.
A new and unexpected friend who takes long walks with me and holds my hand and is patient while I get back into the swing of this relationship thing.
Sunshine, even though I like the heat less this year than ever before.
Air conditioning.
Sundresses and flipflops.
23 lbs gone... forever.
A trip to Utah in July (20-27). I can hardly wait!!!
Life is good.

What now?

2009-05-05T00:10:00.004-07:00

The past few years I've gone through the inevitable struggle that many single people go through as they approach 30. My struggle stems from being single and very nearly 29 while having grown up in dual cultures that encouraged marrying young and believing wholeheartedly in a religion that teaches the vital importance of family. I've spent the last four years trying to decide what it is that I truly want regardless of any other pressures or factors; and to find where I fit. I'm still seeking, but I'm more at peace with where I am than I ever have been. I've seen dear friends break under the pressure and doubt themselves and God. I, myself, have asked difficult questions of myself and God. I've asked Him some hard questions, but to be clear, I don't doubt God. I never have.

I remember having a conversation about marriage with a friend when I was 23. At the time, I thought the worst thing in the world was to be single beyond 25. I told him this and he laughed. But I was serious. Now I look back and laugh. I'm glad that I didn't rush into anything then, that I had the presence of mind and the ability to extricate myself from some of my past relationships. Even though I've left plenty of ex-boyfriend carnage in my wake. I had more to learn; more to experience. I can and have accepted that it was not my fate to marry young. And independent of what I was taught, I don't believe it was really my desire either. It can be difficult to reconcile who we were taught to be with who we really are. Based on this, it's sometimes hard to accept myself as I am. I'm getting there.

I've spent the past four years working with survivors of domestic violence and providing community education about healthy relationships. I know how easy it is to end up in a bad situation. No one chooses to be abused, but we are all capable of choosing to harm those we love. Many people around me decided to blame my being single on the work I was doing; in reality the work made me more appreciative of the many many many good men that I know. The work made me smarter and bolder and more aware and more careful, but not fearful. Never fearful. I know there are reasons for everything. I really want a family, but it hasn't happened yet. God knows why. I trust Him.

~~These are the things I want.~~

After many years of dating I've learned a lot (I hope) and can now identify some of the things I need in a relationship instead of the massive lists of wants and requirements and conditions that I used to carry around in my head. I've dismissed and refused people for really stupid reasons. I like to think I'm much more open and tolerant now.

I know better than to ask a partner for things that I'm not willing to strive for and give in return.

These are the things I need. In no particular order.

I need companionship. I'm not as happy alone as I like to pretend.

I need to fall in love deeply.

I need a partner who understands that love is an action word and that it takes maintenance.

I need a partner who is physically and verbally affectionate.

I need a partner who seeks God.

I need a partner who sees me as his equal and behaves accordingly.

I need a partner who understands that I cannot fix him and he cannot fix me; but that we can offer each other enough love and support to allow us to heal together.

I need a partner who respects that I will not give up my autonomy, family, friends, interests, or hobbies for him. Nor will I ask that he do so for me.

I need a partner with enough personal baggage and experience to make him compassionate, patient, and forgiving.

I need a partner who knows that "whole" doesn't mean "perfect."

I need a partner who is always honest and loyal: to both himself and me.

I need a partner strong enough to stand up to me.

I need a partner kind enough to stand up to me.

I need a partner bonkers enough to live with me.

I need a partner wise enough to love me.

I need a partner who respects my experiences.

I need children. At least 3.

I need a partner who will take an active and equal role in raising our children.

I need a partner who is teachable and embraces change.

I need a partner who can handle disappointment.

I need a partner who does not blame others for his problems and mistakes.

I need a partner who is accountable for his choices.

I'll leave it there for now.

Brills.

2009-04-25T18:00:00.001-07:00

I love all the crazy-brilliant knitters in the world!

I needed this today.

2009-04-12T22:07:00.001-07:00

"In the search for God, you revert from what attracts you and swim toward that which is difficult. You abandon your comforting and familiar habits with the hope (the mere hope!) that something greater will be offered you in return for what you've given up. Every religion in the world operates on the same common understandings of what it means to be a good disciple--get up early and pray to your God, hone your virtues, be a good neighbor, respect yourself and others, master your cravings. We all agree that it would be easier to sleep in, and many of us do, but for millennia there have been others who choose instead to get up before the sun and wash their faces and go to their prayers. And then fiercely try to hold on to their devotional convictions throughout the lunacy of another day.

The devout of this world perform their rituals without guarantee that anything good with ever come of it. Of course there are plenty of scriptures and plenty of priests who make plenty of promises as to what your good works will yield ( or threats as to the punishments awaiting you if you lapse), but to even believe all of this is an act of faith, because nobody amongst us is shown the endgame. Devotion is diligence without assurance. Faith is a way of saying, "Yes, I pre-accept the terms of the universe and I embrace in advance what I am presently incapable of understanding. " There's a reason we refer to "leaps of faith"--because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over the unknowable, and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational: it isn't. If faith were rational, it wouldn't be--by definition--faith. Faith is a belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity: it would just be...a prudent insurance policy.

I'm not interested in the insurance industry. I'm tired of being a skeptic, I'm irritated by spiritual prudence and I feel bored and parched by empirical debate. I don't want to hear it anymore I couldn't care less about evidence and proof and assurances. I just want God. I want God inside me. I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on water. "

-Elizabeth Gilbert

A Favor and a Spring Dilemma

2009-03-16T14:40:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking about a way to bring this up and not sound like a jerk. Spliz put it best here and I'm going to follow her lead.

Here goes:

If and when you are kind enough to add me to your blogroll, please DO NOT use my last name. You are perfectly welcome to link to me in any other way that you choose and I do have a multitude of nicknames for you to choose from, just please please please don't use my last name. If you've already linked to me with my last name, I'm asking you to change it pretty pretty please.

Thank you!

Okay, moving on.

Every Spring I encounter the exact same dilemma. I LOVE the sun. I love it so much that when Spring and Summer roll around, I want to lay in the sun ALL DAY. With or without apparel. Truly.

Why is this a problem?

If you've ever seen me, you know that I am very fair. In the Fall and Winter I refer to the whiteness of my skin as a moonburn. My hair is naturally both dark blonde and WHITE (seriously), and my eyelashes are very blonde. I'm okay with being pale. I quite like my natural coloring and usually embrace the pale. But I can tan. Truly. I can. And when I'm dirty derrty golden tan, it's a beautiful thing to me. I love it. It's so hard for me to resist. I grew up in a sunny oceany place and now I live in a sunny deserty place. I love the sun. Life without snow is a beautiful thing. Laying outside for hours with the sun like warm kisses all over my skin is a beautiful thing. Doing this next to the ocean is an even more beautiful thing.

Here is why I resist: I have a family history of skin cancers. I have several red flag skin cancer risk factors. I have an ugly pink scar on my left arm from having a questionable mole removed last summer (it was, blessedly, benign). I have a desire to not look like a handbag when I'm 40. But mostly, it's the deep and abiding fear of cancer. I lost a parent to lymphatic cancer at the tender age of 12, a grandfather to prostate cancer in my teens, and a grandmother to breast cancer in my 20's. A woman I've known for my entire life passed away a few weeks ago from malignant melanoma, leaving behind children and grandchildren who love her. I've got a healthy respect for the big C. We're better acquainted than I'd like to be.

I ate my breakfast outside this morning so I could better smell the orange and lemon blossoms in my yard. As I took in the gorgeous late morning, I felt the sweet little sun kisses all over my skin and considered running inside to change my clothes and grab a towel to lay on. Instead, I looked at the little half inch pink button of a scar on my left arm. I went inside and found my sunscreen collection and put it where I'll be reminded to put it on every day.

A few things...

2009-03-08T20:11:00.008-07:00

First, Earth Hour is coming up! Sign up and participate! I loved it last December; turning out all the lights and just hanging out with candles was really peaceful. It was perfect. My whole family is going to get together this year! Do it!

Second, I found this AMAZING link to find bluegrass jams in your area. I LOVE bluegrass so much it hurts and am excited now to know how to find local meeting places where people are playing. Check it out!

Third, I find out tomorrow about a job I interviewed for last week. Wish me luck!

Have you read these?

2009-02-25T17:18:00.006-07:00

According to Nama, the BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. Who ever put this list together apparently has not read most of them either or else they would have listed several of these books separately (The Lord of the Rings is a TRILOGY, the Harry Potter Series of SEVEN, The Chronicles of Narnia are SEVEN, the works of Shakespeare... are A LOT), and not repeated some of the books included in these sets: Hamlet, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, etc.).

Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
2) Tally your total at the bottom
3) * Star those you plan on reading

So, not counting books listed twice I have read 53 of these. Take THAT BBC... or whoever put this together and attributed it to the BBC.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen X
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien XXX
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte*

Oddly enough I know this story remarkably well, I've just never taken the time to read it!
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling XXXXXXX
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte X

HATED IT. None of the characters have any redeeming qualities.
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell*
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens*

I'm going to read all of Dickens this year. It's my goal.
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy X

I read this when I was 12, it was on my sister's senior book list. I think I may have explained it to her.
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare... er... not all. I'm going to say 4. XXXX

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot*

I've started it a few times but never make it all the way through.
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens*
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams*
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame*
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy - too melodramatic.
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens*
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis XXXXXXX
34 Emma - Jane Austen X
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen X
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis duh, see #33
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini*
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden*
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel X
52 Dune - Frank Herbert

I've seen a couple different versions of this in film form and didn't find any of the characters endearing, they were all massive ego-maniacs so I have no desire to read the books. Ironically enough, the only people who have ever recommended these to me were all ego-maniacs. Hmm?
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen X
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens*
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez*
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas X
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac X
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville X
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens*
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker X
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray*
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens*
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad*
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery X
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas X
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo X

I COULD HAVE DIED!

2009-02-11T15:23:00.007-07:00

This story must be told. Because it's hilarious to me. It makes me laugh on a daily basis. It's also really gross so if you are squeamish you may want to move along.

On Saturday, I spent an hour and a half sweeping all of the floors in the house thoroughly in preparation for mopping (only the bedrooms have carpet). I decided to take a little break and catch up on blogs via my Google Reader so I sat down in front of the computer in the kitchen. Whilst doing so, my brother's dog, Luna, came and sat on my foot because my mother had begun vacuuming her area rugs and poor little Luna hates the vacuum. She was shaking and cowering so I reached down and reassured her while I continued to read. My mother finished vacuuming and came over and asked about a gardening project we're working on, petted the dog, and went to the garage.

ONE MINUTE later I stood up to follow her and had taken one step with my right foot when I felt my foot begin to slip on something wet. I lost control of my right foot as it slid forward quickly and I went down on my left (bum) knee and continued to slip until I found myself doing a twisted and painful split. It only took a second, but as soon as I began to go down I thought, "I just swept this and it wasn't wet. Where's the dog? Mom is right, this tile really is deadly when wet. I really really hope I didn't just tweak my bum knee." I rolled onto my back and lay there for a moment feeling pain in my bum knee (really, it's bad, I've dislocated it twice and it has a touch of arthritis), and wondering what caused my fall. I sat up and looked at my legs and to my horror, I'd just slipped on the biggest pile of dog vomit I've ever seen. And my lower legs were COVERED in it. If I had to estimate how much vomit was on the ground I'd say one gallon at least. Now, Luna is not a big dog. She's a little mutt about the size of a Jack Russell terrier. How she managed to yak up a gallon of puke is beyond me. I surveyed the puke and thought, "I didn't even hear her throw up and she practically puked right on me. Doesn't she eat dog food? I see chicken, some grass, and how in the world did she get that olive?" Still a little worried about my bad knee, I stay put and began hollering at the top of my lungs for my mom. No response. I kept calling and calling. No response. Because I was yelling, Luna started to get nervous and probably thought she was in trouble. I called her over to me and soothed the little stinker. My mom finally came in from the garage and I called her into the kitchen and when she saw the carnage in front her, she scrunched up her face and told me to take my pants off and go take a shower. I tested my knee and it felt alright, so I dropped my pants right there in the kitchen with all the windows open and put my pants in the washer on my way to the bathroom. I scrubbed every inch of myself and when I came out of the shower I found that the floor was clean and my mom was sitting on the patio taking deep breaths. She said she was trying to calm the heaving. She was seriously about to yak too. Luckily she didn't because I probably would've managed to slip in that too.

There you have it. Death by dog vomit. Almost.

On a side note, I'm really glad that I've been working out religiously every day for the past three weeks because I'm significantly stronger than I was and I think I could have really hurt myself if I hadn't improved both my strength and flexibility recently. I did pull my hamstring and groin, but it was pretty mild and two days of resting seemed to do the trick.

I do think it's endlessly funny to tell people I pulled a muscle slipping on dog vomit. Just thinking about it cracks me up all over again.

Quick update

2009-02-03T12:32:00.005-07:00

I have a ton of things I want to blog about but no time!

Boodji is turning 6 today and I've got to take the cake over to the party and help get things set up.

Things are good... but still no job. I'm praying that my bank account holds out until I can get over to the unemployment office and figure out why they aren't giving me any money.

I've taken some gorgeous photos of my nephews and niece that I'll post soon.

I'm knitting/sewing sundresses for my niece. It'll be summer here in a minute.

I'm helping my mom dig all the decorative rocks out of her flower beds and pulling up the ornamentals so our yard will produce food. It's good exercise - I have the sore muscles to prove it. I love this post! It's all about her victory garden. Plant one. Do it. Do it.

Okay, gotta run!

Some pursuits of late...

2009-01-31T14:14:00.001-07:00

Considering finishing this poor pathetic knitted dragon.

Knitting Valentines.

Finally photographing this baby blanket I finished months ago.

Hooking my nephew up with a sweet hair cut.

Chillin' with my nephews and my brother.

Being a cat warden for this little piece of work.

Ritz and I gave this cat to my mom last fall. My mom LOVES Halloween like no one I have ever met and was so happy that this cat is "Halloween colors" that she promptly named her Bella... after the Twilight books. I cringed and proceeded to tease her relentlessly. So she changed her name to Bela. As in Bela Lugosi. As in Dracula circa 1931. I can totally get behind that. She was spayed this week. She's naturally insanely hyper and seemed clueless that she was in a delicate condition - the cat morphine didn't help - it made her oblivious to the pain. Basically I had to make sure she didn't harm her incision while she behaved like a flying squirrel all over the house. She's feeling much better now.

Crazytastic.

2009-01-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

Some of you know how much I love THIS website. It's hilarious and fantastic and I've loved it for years. I love it even more now, for introducing me to the full blown crazy that is Bai Ling's blog. Sometimes billed as Ling Bai - I don't know which is correct - I only know that her specific brand of crazy is making my whole week. Seriously, her blog is just so crazytastic I can hardly contain myself. I read it out loud because it's better that way.

Finally, some knitting photos!

2009-01-26T15:41:00.013-07:00

One of my sisters purchased this yarn for me around Christmastime and looking at the skein, it looked like all of the colors were very muted and dusty (look at the lower pictures, you can see how dusty they look). Once I started knitting with it, I was pleasantly surprised at how vibrant the colors are! The yarn is Patons' Soy Wool Stripes in the Natural Plum colorway. It's squishy and bright, but a little bit itchy. Wool usually doesn't make me itch, so I wonder if it's the soy content. It has been fantastic to knit with though. I've begun making it into a bag that was requested by the aforementioned sister, but I'm beginning to think it would be better served as a baby sweater. Probably not though, since it does have some itch-factor. I was going to try to match up the stripes, but I may give up and just let it be. The pattern is Flutter, from "25 More Bags to Knit," by Emma King.

Ha ha... ouch.

2009-01-22T14:00:00.002-07:00

This article pretty much explains exactly how things went down when I lost my job.

Hey Man, You Got A Second So I Can Fire You?

It made me laugh.

No words...

2009-01-16T11:58:00.002-07:00

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Nailed 'Em - Radical Knitting

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

and...

Wool Brain

Brilliant.

Love will follow

2009-01-15T15:46:00.009-07:00

I've had three months of introspection. It’s been a blessing.

I am not an ambitious person. At least not in the way we usually think of. I am not business minded. I don’t seek professional accolades or a shining career.

I want to live Simply. Beautifully. Fully.

Growing up I always wanted to be a mother. I've loved babies and children since forever and never saw motherhood as something unimportant; I didn't even realize that it was grossly undervalued until I was older. To me it was more desirable than anything else. I would show up to career day at school without a costume or a speech about how I wanted to be a firefighter or a doctor or a veterinarian or an actor. I would simply tell everyone that I was going to be a mom; plain and simple. I was never embarrassed or ashamed; it was just going to happen.

I've experienced a lot of pain, frustration, and disappointment based on the fact that it HAS NOT happened. 75% of the jobs I’ve taken in my life have been some form of care-giving. Whether teaching preschool, or working as a nanny for disabled kids, or working with delinquent teens or victims of abuse, they have all been ways to nurture and give. It took me a long while to realize that that was what I was doing. While I am forever grateful for the things I have learned in these jobs; it has also taken me a very long time to be able to admit how much it really, truly and deeply hurts that things have not worked out the way I planned. I'm not doing myself any favors by continuing to pretend that it doesn't bother me and that my heart isn't broken. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve plead with God for a family. I plead, make promises, make covenants, do what I believe I am supposed to do, and wait.

...and Wait.

The wait became a Weight. I very nearly gave up and turned to face another path, one that I knew was wrong for me, one that wouldn't make me happy, but that I believed would be easier. I had one foot on that path. Sometimes two. I've weighed the options and looked at all the angles and I know that my original path is correct, that on it I will find happiness, it’s just that all the weighty waiting can be so hard.

After losing my job I had to face the fact that it hurt to be let go so abruptly and then stop pretending to be brave. It took a couple of months but I finally let myself look at the wound, have a good cry and mourn the loss.

Then I had to face the fact that the reason I was dragging my feet about finding a job was that I was frustrated about not being where I'd planned. I always planned to be raising children at this stage in my life; not trying to pick up the pieces and start down a new career path.

I do not want to work for another company or agency that demands so much of my time, energy, and focus. The work I was doing was valuable and important and I am happy to say that with one exception, I have always had jobs that I could be proud of. This job and agency demanded so very much from me. Early on I helped interview job candidates for the type of work I did and there were some who were turned down based on the fact that they had families. The work is not kind to families. I was on the road constantly and sometimes worked 10 or 12 or 14 days straight. I loved the actual work and the amazing people I was able to meet. I saw people change their minds and hearts. I saw light bulbs turn on as they truly grasped what I was teaching and even saw flames ignite as some discovered their life's work.

I began to doubt that my desire for a family would ever come true so I was determined to make domestic violence my life's work too. It's definitely a worthy cause. I'll always be involved with it. Always. But I'm so much happier and more content now that I've taken a step back and put my finger on my pain and stopped trying to cover up my disappointment with worthy causes.

I opened myself to the pain, disappointment and frustration. I need to feel it in order to move past it. Now I'm hopeful. Truly.

It's time for me to put my time, energy, and focus into myself. Now I'm looking for the kind of job that I will never have to take home with me; one that won't sap my energy and happiness. I need time in my life for things that are beautiful and creative and worthwhile. I need to spend time with friends and family. I need time for music making, gardening, writing, painting, and laughing, hiking, loving, knitting, cooking, creating, living. I cannot live another minute with daily grind. I don't care how poor I have to be to make this happen.

Isn't the moral of the story usually that love conquers all or the most important thing is family and/or human kindness/a connection with others/the wisdom gained from experience, etc, etc?

The moral of my story is that there are things in this life that I cannot live without. None of these things involve a 60+ hour work week or giving my energy and love to unworthy or even the most worthy causes without saving some for myself.

I don't expect the things I truly want and need to come easily; few things have for me. Now I can see what I need to do in order for these things to feel welcome in my life. I will create a beautiful and safe space for them and for myself.

Love will follow.

Mulling

2009-01-13T16:20:00.002-07:00

So.... as you can probably tell, I'm in love with all things orange right now. Living with citrus trees in the yard is bliss and quite inspiring. I've been wearing lots of orange and yellow and want to paint everything tangerine. I've been busy trying to find a job, deal with family issues, and tie up loose ends. I'd love to sit down and put up a really fabulous layout that perfectly embodies all things citrus, but I don't have the patience today. I've been mulling over my quarterly goals and haven't set anything concrete yet... besides getting a job. I have some categories, but I still need to narrow them down to something specific.

I can definitely say that I need more music in my life. Not music listening, music making. As in, I have a guitar, flute, piano and violin that are so ignored that their self esteem is beginning to suffer. Also, I rarely ever sing anymore unless I'm driving and that doesn't really count. Not that I'm all that great at any of them, but that's what I am trying to remedy. I was friends with a guy who told me once that he'd always really wanted to learn the guitar, but now he was too old to be any good at it so he wouldn't try. He was 19. I think you can learn anything at any age and become reasonably proficient. I'm only 28! I've got a lot of years ahead of me God willing!

Which leads me to my next point...

I can also definitely say that I intend to take better care of my health. I'd like to live a long long time and that won't happen if I just do whatever I want to all the time. So I'll have to come up with a health goal for this quarter that I can reasonably stick to. None of this, I will never ever eat ice cream again, that's just setting myself up to fail. I'm not all about that. Deprivation never did anyone any good. I'll let you know when I decide what the goal will be for sure. Yes, I'm aware that we're halfway through January.

I also need to set a social goal. I'll admit that I've been a serious hermit for a long while now. It's not healthy for me. My nature is very open and friendly and I love people and all their quirks and LOVE meeting new people. So, meeting my social needs will happen in my near future.

I would like to set another goal around gardening. It's such a major stress reliever for me. I need to make plans around how often I will get down and dirty. Along with this, I have been trying to buy as much local produce as possible and so I think I'll set a goal around this as well. Local produce is better for the body (it isn't picked before it's ready and transported 1500 miles or more), the economy (buy local!), and the environment (not trucked via diesel 1500+ miles). How great is it that such a simple thing has so many good consequences? If you need to find your local farmer's markets,

go to: www.localharvest.org

Extreme Knitting

2009-01-07T15:08:00.001-07:00

The more I knit and learn about knitting, the more I love it and am fascinated with it. I love that this artist, Rachel John, has taken knitting to a new level.

Christmas Music

2008-12-09T23:39:00.004-07:00

I absolutely LOVE Christmas music and start playing it on Thanksgiving Day (I do wait until after dinner!).

My favorite carols are:

Bring a Torch, Jeannette Isabella

O Come O Come Emmanuel

The First Noel

Once in Royal David's City

The Wexford Carol (Good People All This Christmastime)

I have a huge collection of Christmas albums and some absolute favorites that I always listen to and couldn't live without. Here's my list of Top 5 favorite albums, in order:

1. The Bells of Dublin, The Chieftains. This one is probably at the top of the list for all of my siblings too. We all love it. My favorite songs from the album are the Wexford Carol, The Rebel Jesus, and O The Holly She Bears a Berry.

2. O Holy Night, Luciano Pavorotti. O Holy Night, Pieta Signore, Gesu Bambino, Ave Maria, okay okay, ALL of them!

3. Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas, Ella Fitzgerald. I love the entire album, but especially What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

4. Merry Christmas, Mariah Carey. This was my most favorite holiday album for years, but I've grown to love the others more. It's still here in the T-5 though! The absolute best are Jesus O What a Wonderful Child, and O Holy Night.

5. Star Bright, Vanessa Williams. You gotta love Go Tell It On the Mountain, I Wonder as I Wander, Do You Hear What I Hear? and Gracious Good Shepherd.

My brother just brought me Yo-Yo Ma's Songs of Joy and Peace so it may end up on this list before too long. So far, I love his version of the Wexford Carol. Alison Krauss sings it and it's breathtaking!

What are your favorites?

Hello!

2008-12-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, mine was grand.
As promised, here are some photos.
First, my favorite photos from my trip to the mountains:

I really wanted to lay at the base of these trees and shoot upward to make them look even taller, but they were in someone's yard so I just crouched as low as I could without alarming the neighbors.
Oh Thanksgiving! My adorable little cousins ran around with my adorable little nephews and my cousin below, S, claims to have never climbed a tree before. She looks pretty practiced in the grapefruit tree to me.
Boodji was thrilled to finally be tall enough to reach the "big kid" branch and hang from it by himself.

We found a lower branch for the little one. I told the kids that I would only help them down from branches they could get onto themselves. If it was too high for them too reach, they'd have to grow a few inches and come back!
This is from the day after, Boodji lost his first tooth while eating breakfast and didn't even notice until Nina asked him where it was. He's going to write the Tooth Fairy a letter letting her know that she may have to check the toilet to find his tooth! He did his own hair by the way.
Lemon picking in Nina's yard. He looks like Peter Pan to me.
Baby E has gotten so big! She's four months now and LOVES to be outside.
The bestest big brother.

Baby E loves her Uncle Shiny!

2008-11-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

So... I didn't get everything done on my list last week. Such is life. I did go to the mountains and it was beautiful! I took a handful of photos, but I kept forgetting my camera when my mom and I went for walks. I'll post them when I get my camera cord back from my brother. My mom wanted to go to every single antique shop and boutique in town so we did that quite a bit. It was a nice mellow weekend. I knitted a hat for my new niece that's waaay too big and my mom crocheted a border on a fleece blanket for her. I'm going to redo the hat. I'll check my gauge first next time. I finally found a nice girl to take my lease and will be out by the 30th. I'm moving things over slowly but surely; I've put a lot of my shifting on hold and have been helping my mom get ready for Thanksgiving. There will be 21 people tucked into her pretty little house and she works full-time so my unemployment has actually been coming in handy. She gave me a to-do list and I've been running all her errands for her. I took my three year old nephew, Cheeks, with me to the big produce market and he was so cute helping me pick out all the Thanksgiving veggies. He counted the pears for me, picked out the carrots and the celery all by himself, inspected the broccoli, and loved putting everything in the cart. At the end, I told him he could pick out a treat and he walked along the shelves full of homemade candy with his little hands behind his back going, "Hmmm... hmmm?" So cute. The little sweetie finally picked a bag of candy that he could share with his brother. I would've taken pictures of him with all those greens but the place was SWARMING with people and he didn't want to ride in the cart so I had to stay on my toes to make sure he didn't get run over. I have to say, living in a place where a lot of elderly people come for the winter is dangerous. I really do like elderly people, but I have encountered some of the meanest old people here. As soon as the temperature changes everywhere else, the roads become death-traps here. The owner of the produce market was killed in a hit and run by an elderly person in the parking lot of his store a few years back. Just because you're at your winter condo doesn't mean you can stop being civilized. I was irritated that so many old people scowled at the little darling I had with me instead of smiling. Old stinkers.

So... remember how I'm unemployed? Yeah. Since the economy is in a craptacular state, I haven't had a single call back from any of the places where I've applied. Pray for me! Trolling the internet for jobs and watching Lifetime Movies is getting OLD.

So... you know how I don't set New Year's resolutions? I'm not going to again. Mwah ha ha!! I'm not. But I am going to start a photo project in January. I'm going to call it "Person of the Week." It's going to force me to socialize with people who aren't my family. My family is great, but hanging out with them all the time is too easy. Every week I'll post the photo of someone who either did something great, was really quirky, made me laugh, made me grouchy, or just looked supa-fly/crazy, etc. They can be the "Person of the Week" for any reason I come up with. I was going to start a "Man of the Week" segment and post a photo of me with a new man every week, but I decided that would be too much work. And that it might lead to a recurrence of bad habits. I started to get flashbacks of my days in Provo and my roommate having a little talk with me that went something like this:
Ritz: So, I've noticed you've been doing a lot of cuddling this week.
Me: Indeed.
Ritz: Like every day this week.
Me: Yup.
Ritz: There have been five different guys here this week.
Me: That's how I roll.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Let's not go back there, okay? Thanks. I do need to get back out there and date again, but no one needs be involved in the kind of serial lovin' I had going on back in the day. As soon as I find a man with hair as shiny as Elvis, I'll send you a wedding invitation.

2008-11-25T13:34:00.000-07:00

Coming Attractions

2008-11-19T22:45:00.002-07:00

Between now and Sunday, I will:

Move several boxes of books, my clothes, and various other junk from my current abode to the guest room that I will soon occupy at my mother's house.

Photograph my completed and in-progress knitting projects and post those photos here.

Celebrate my Mother's 62nd birthday with a hand-knit gift, and hopefully a quick trip up to the mountains to enjoy some cold weather.

Awww, Em!

2008-11-13T06:45:00.001-07:00

I was tagged by Em.

Here are the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.

2. Mention the rules on your blog.

3. Tell about six quirks you have.

4. Tag six fellow bloggers to do the same.

5. Leave a comment to let them know.

Quirk #1

I am an intermittent insomniac. Sometimes I fall asleep early and sleep all night and sometimes I'm up until the sun comes up. I did not sleep last night.

Quirk #2

I secretly want to be a wedding planner... but now it's not a secret. I collect wedding magazines and have a binder with tons of ideas. I'm also kinda uptight about wedding etiquette. Call me.

Quirk #3

Sometimes when I'm sick, I put a lot more effort into the way I look. I can't stand feeling bad and looking worse. (This is also usually when I actually have the down-time to do more extensive grooming.) Sometimes employers haven't believed my claims of sickness because I showed up to work looking super hot.

Quirk #4

I love pharmacies. I can wander around in them for hours. It's weird, I know, but I really can burn a lot of time in an Eckerd or Walgreens. What? You don't read magazines all the way through before you buy them?

Quirk #5

I'm fascinated with unusual looking people and nontraditional beauty (hence my massive crush on Adrien Brody). Noses are a particular obsession of mine. I think ugly is a character trait, not a physical one.

Quirk #6
I can eat the same thing every day for months. I usually eat brown, black, or mahogany rice with a vegetable and a protein. I get on oatmeal kicks too. Chicken and rice is my comfort food. Broccoli is a miracle food! I change it up slightly, but the basics are the same. My mom thinks I'm nuts. I am, it's called OCD. Big deal!

I tag Nama, Kayla, Jon, Erika, Melissa, and Brandi... and anyone else who feels like it!

The Omnivore's Hundred

2008-11-13T06:00:00.007-07:00

The Omnivore's Hundred is a list of 100 items that Andrew Wheeler, co-author of the British food blog Very Good Taste, thinks every omnivore should try at least once in their life. I found this back in the summer while reading one of my favorite food blogs, Chocolate and Zucchini. I've been meaning to post this since August but I forgot!!

He offered this list as the starting point for a game, along the following rules:
1. Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2. Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3. Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4. Optional extra: post a comment on Very Good Taste, linking to your results.

I've actually tried 46 of these! I'm impressed with myself!

The Omnivore’s Hundred:

*1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
*3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. ~~Black pudding~~
*7. Cheese fondue
*8. Carp
9. Borscht
*10. Baba ghanoush
*11. Calamari
*12. Pho
*13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
*15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. ~~Black truffle~~
18. ~~Fruit wine made from something other than grapes~~
19. Steamed pork buns
*20. Pistachio ice cream
*21. Heirloom tomatoes
*22. Fresh wild berries
23. ~~Foie gras~~
*24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
*27. Dulce de leche
*28. Oysters
*29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
*31. Wasabi peas
*32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
*34. Sauerkraut
*35. Root beer float
36. ~~Cognac with a fat cigar~~
37. Clotted cream tea
*38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
*39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
*41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
*44. Goat’s milk
45. ~~Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more~~
46. ~~Fugu~~
*47. Chicken tikka masala
*48. Eel
*49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
*51. Prickly pear
*52. Umeboshi
53. ~~Abalone~~
*54. Paneer
*55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
*56. Spaetzle
57. ~~Dirty gin martini~~
58. ~~Beer above 8% ABV~~
59. Poutine
*60. Carob chips
*61. S’mores
62. ~~Sweetbreads~~
63. ~~Kaolin~~
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
*67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
*69. Fried plantain
70. ~~Chitterlings, or andouillette~~ (chitlins! yuck!)
*71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. ~~Louche absinthe~~
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. ~~Roadkill~~
76. ~~Baijiu~~
*77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79.~~Lapsang souchong~~
80. ~~Bellini~~
81. Tom yum
*82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
*87. Goulash
*88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
*91. Spam
*92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
*94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
*96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
*98. Polenta
99. ~~Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee~~
100. Snake

The Garden of Eatin': A Short History of America's Garden

2008-11-07T03:05:00.001-07:00

Check it. This is AWESOME. We're in the process of turning my sister's backyard into a veggie garden and my mom's yard is next. Growing up, our veggie garden took up a good third of our backyard. I loved eating right out of it while I was out playing. Grow your own food! It makes sense! If you'd rather have someone else grow it, go to www.localharvest.org to find your local farmers and farmers markets.

Sheep Love

2008-11-06T23:16:00.007-07:00

I love knitting so so much.
Really.
Three of my four sisters and I are brainstorming on a way to start a sheep farm even though we're spread across three states. We're going to start by individually learning how to spin and dye wool and then someone's got to learn something about animal husbandry. They all vote that I do it. I'm all for it. I would love to be a farmer, but it's going to take us a few years to set up a business plan and get things rolling. Right now it's still a dream... but we all really want to do it.
When I saw THIS today, I was gleeful.
Sheep at the White House?
Yes, please.

VOTE, yo.

2008-11-04T13:15:00.002-07:00

Mud

2008-10-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Here are some photos I've been meaning to post. A growing baby, my hilarious nephews playing in the mud, and my new-ish haircut. I've said it before, fall in the desert is like summer everywhere else. I'd really like some cooler air!

Yeah, she's wearing a 6 month dress at 3 months! Babies in my family are chubby! I love it!
The best big brother ever.
Chillin'. She really likes HGTV.
The Princess with her Daddy.

Mud, mud, mud. What more could two little boys want? I still haven't gotten all of the mud out of the pants I was wearing!

These are alligators in the mud.

This gave me flashbacks to my childhood! My Dad used to hose us down when we'd been playing outside!

It's been a few weeks, this is my new-ish haircut. These were taken last week.

On a lighter note

2008-10-29T22:49:00.005-07:00

Jess and Lindsay did it so I am too!

Copy and paste the words. Bold the things that you've done. My format is wonky so the things I've done are in green.

1. Started your own blog 2. Slept under the stars 3. Played in a band 4. Visited Hawaii 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than you can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland 8. Climbed a mountain 9. Held a praying mantis 10. Sang a solo 11. Bungee jumped 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning 17. Seen the Statue of Liberty 18. Grown your own vegetables 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitch hiked 23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 24. Built a snow fort 25. Walked on the equator 26. Gone skinny dipping 27. Run a Marathon 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Solved a Rubix Cube without cheating 35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo’s David 41. Sung karaoke 42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported in an ambulance 47. Had your portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Kissed in the rain 53. Played in the mud 54. Gone to a drive-in theater 55. Been in a movie 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Taken a martial arts class 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soup kitchen 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching 63. Got flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Lost a loved one 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had your picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chickenpox 89. Saved someone’s life 90. Sat on a jury 91. Met someone famous 92. Joined a book club 93. Broken a bone 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a cell phone 99. Been stung by a bee 100. Flown in a hot air balloon

Thank you!

2008-10-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all of my wonderful friends for your support and your kind words and your anger on my behalf! It's greatly appreciated!

Here's the update:

I really haven't freaked out or felt too worried or anxious about the situation. Inexplicably, I feel relieved. I decided from practically the first moment to not look back. I have a tendency in my life to hash things over for far too long, so I decided not to do it this time. I wasn't given an explanation, so I chose not to look for one. Moving on.

As it turns out, none of the yarn stores can afford me. Go figure. I'm looking for jobs and taking it easy and setting new goals for myself. It feels good to have a break. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do yet... but it'll come. I do know that I have 2 months worth of money in my bank account and the thought is reassuring, for now. If I can get out of my rental contract, I can stretch my money for 4 months. Hopefully I won't need to!

I feel confident that something will come along soon.

Bad luck.

2008-10-21T22:51:00.003-07:00

I got fired today.
From my job that I enjoyed.
There was no explanation.
No provocation.
Just "We are terminating your employment with us. Effective immediately."

It sucks.

I'm surprisingly calm and not worried... yet.

Maybe the yarn store is hiring after all...

Ooohhh.... pretty.

2008-10-07T20:39:00.007-07:00

So... today after work I was in the vicinity of my favorite knitting store and decided to go browse the goodness. I picked up skein after skein of beautiful yarn in rich fall colors and put them in my little basket. I walked around the store taking everything in and wondering if they were hiring and could pay me lots of money. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work out. I controlled myself and put the beautiful yarn back on the shelf... but I did buy another knitting book. I couldn't resist it.

Knitted Toys: 25 Fresh and Fabulous Designs by: Zoe Mellor.

Here are some photos of the patterns in this book. I can hardly wait to make some of them!!

Falling in love slowly.

2008-10-06T20:39:00.010-07:00

I've been doing a lot of driving for work lately. I have a love/hate relationship with all of this driving. On the one hand, I sometimes drive 4 hours one way to give a 1 hour presentation. Ugh. On the other hand, I'm getting to see every corner of the state and I'm actually starting to fall in love with it a little bit. The first 3 years I lived here, I only liked it when I was driving OUT of town because the cities and 'burbs are ugly. Seriously. Ugly. Barren, dusty, not green. The 'burbs are painfully homogenized. I'm not a fan. But if you leave either of the metropoli, the vast majority of the state is farm-land and desert. And there are some really really beautiful places. There are even places where it snows and where the leaves change. And even the places where there are no leaves or snow are still beautiful. I'm still very partial to the tropical paradise that is my true home, but this place is beautiful in its own way. So... I never thought I'd say it, but I kinda like it here.

I went out to the Superstition Museum with Big Mama and the kids a couple of weeks ago and took a bunch of photos. I love that the little cowboys wore their boots. Boodji dressed himself that day and was wearing his little brother's pants which are too short for him, but he insisted they were fine... until we got out in public and he was embarrassed. Poor little guy. I told him to tuck them in his boots and no one would notice. The museum is an old ranch that used to be a movie set. A lot of old westerns were filmed out there. The chapel in the background is the Elvis Presley Memorial Chapel. He filmed the movie, "Charro!" there. It's a pretty place.

Where's Fall?

2008-10-05T21:56:00.016-07:00

Fall is my most favorite season. It's all my mom's fault. She loves fall and especially loves Halloween. She probably has as many fall decorations as Christmas decorations. She isn't one of those people who does a lot of outward Halloween decor, no haunted houses. But the interior of her house is full of beautiful rust colored floral arrangements, hand painted ceramic pumpkins, etc. She has plenty of kitschy stuff around for the grandkids too.

Fall in the desert feels like late summer everywhere else. It's nice, but it's not fall. It was in the 80's today and it seems so cool compared to the triple digits we've had for months. I spent the weekend at my mom's watching conference and hanging out with my nephews and niece. I was craving fall food very badly so Saturday night I cooked for everyone. I needed soup so I went and picked up some tomato basil soup (it wasn't nearly as good as my recipe from scratch but I was in a hurry) and then I put together an apple and brie bruschetta. It was delicious!

I really enjoy cooking and wish I had time to cook all the time. I seriously would. But I wouldn't want to do it for a living. Just for myself, friends, and family. Anyone wanna sponsor me and pay all my bills? I'll cook for you. But I'll only make food that I like! Ha ha!

Anyhow, I really miss having a real fall. I think I'm going to drive up north one of these weekends. Not as far north as many of my friends are, but just a few hours north to see some real leaves. Let me tell you, a lack of cold weather is brutal on a knitter. I want to make scarves and hats and gloves and sweaters!

I know this post is kind of random, but it's been awhile and I felt I needed to post to get me back in the habit.

I'll post again soon, I've got a lot to say!

Warning: Don't watch this if you don't like irreverent humor... or if you like Sarah Palin.

2008-09-17T23:20:00.002-07:00

Baby Smile-E is 8 weeks and starting to laugh.

2008-09-14T14:43:00.005-07:00

Keith Olbermann Special Comment 9/10/08

2008-09-13T18:08:00.001-07:00

Rambling...

2008-08-26T20:59:00.010-07:00

One of my 43 first cousins got married last weekend, one was married the weekend before, and another one is getting married in November. So far. Wait, did anyone else get married this year? I think another one got married in the spring... oh well. Too many to remember. For reals.
The cousin that was married most recently married a wonderful woman who I like very much. The cousin who was married the week before I am assuming married a wonderful man, but I've never met him. The cousin getting married in November I haven't seen in several years so I hope his betrothed is wonderful, she's pretty, but we all know that's not enough!

Anywho... this post was about to get really really boring as I droned on about my massive family. My family can be crazay... but sometimes I wish they were a little bit crazier and a different brand of crazy. I wish they were "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" crazy, but they're waaaayyy too white-bread suburban and waayyy too Mormon for that. Ok, maybe I am going to drone on. And then I might post some fly self-portraits. 'Cuz that's how I roll.

My brain is rambling right now, so I'm trying to keep this post on track, but it's really hard.......

Really...... hard..... I might have to blog later when my thoughts aren't running all over Hell and half of Georgia.

Ok, so I went to the wedding reception on Friday night and I looked fly. But I didn't take any photos of my outfit, I didn't even remember that I had my camera on me until I was driving home around midnight and I thought it would be a good idea to take some self-portraits on the freeway.

Do I recommend it?

You decide.

Baby Chub-E

2008-08-25T15:54:00.007-07:00

Little munchkins grow like weeds. This one is no exception! I LOVE babies and I especially love babies that are related to me. I took these photos over a week ago when she was officially 4 weeks old. She's a very expressive little munchkin.

Daydreaming...

And the fish was this big! I swear! You should'a seen it!

She's even bigger and more expressive now. And her thigh-rolls are coming along nicely. I'll get some more photos this weekend - when she's 6 weeks old.

I'm smarter than an alien

2008-08-15T21:43:00.009-07:00

I was sitting on my couch watching the Olympics and feeling like an absolute slug compared to all of these amazing athletes when I realized, I can do NY Times crosswords in less than an hour and sudoku puzzles in pen. Pen I tell you! I'm a GENIUS. Take that Alien-Wingspan Phelps.

The Goal?

2008-08-15T19:12:00.011-07:00

Don't let it go to my head. No, I'm not talking about looking in the mirror, I'm referring to my fatigue. Yes I'm tired. No I can't do anything about it that I know of, yet. But I've got a lot of stuff to do. I just keep on doing what I've been doing, get at least 8 hours of sleep at night (ha ha, I wish), and get on with my life. It certainly can take an emotional toll, but it doesn't have to. There are a lot of misconceptions about CFIDS. Let me address the ones I hear the most. First is that it's hypochondria, factitious, and/or malingering. It's not. Second, that it's depression and/or mental illness. It's not. For some people, some of these things could be interrelated. I've looked into it, believe me. I'm covering my bases. Am I looking for advice? No. Sympathy? No. I'm just chronicling my experience. Validating myself. Sharing it with you. Whining. Mostly whining.

Thanks for listening.

P.S. I still love my job. It's the greatest. And they're ridiculously supportive. And fun. Happy times.

...And I just got a fierce hankering for sushi.

The end.

Craft Renaissance

2008-08-14T14:09:00.005-07:00

As I was wandering around a craft store earlier this week perusing fabric, I had many many flashbacks to childhood. My mother is a pretty darn good seamstress (she will never admit this, so I'll sing her praises). She used to take us fabric and pattern shopping and then made all of our Sunday dresses and special occasion clothes. She seems convinced that we didn't like our homemade clothes, but I recall adoring those dresses. I loved looking through the pattern books and picking out something that I absolutely had to have. Then we would walk around looking at fabric and this is how I learned to judge the quality of fabric by touch. I began by grabbing whatever was prettiest and then my mother would touch it, check it's fiber content and price and teach me how to find the best quality for the best value. I also have good memories of sitting on the floor while my mom was sewing, sorting through her big can of buttons and practicing hand sewing with scraps of fabric and a HUGE needle (so it wouldn't get lost in the carpet). She spent hours in her little sewing closet whipping up dresses, dress-up and play-clothes, and even our swimsuits! My most favorite swimsuit of all time was made by her. Here are some photos of it:

These don't do it complete justice, probably because it was worn constantly and was fading in these pics. It was gold with a rose-pink floral and silvery-green leaves and vines. I recall exactly how it felt between my fingers, the sound it made if you rubbed it against itself and even the smell of the fabric. That's how much I loved this suit. I wore it until all the elastic gave out and my mom made me get rid of it. Sigh, I kinda want it back.

Some of my absolute best memories of childhood have to do with my mother's love of textiles and crafts. She's quite talented. She used to tole-paint, embroider, and numerous other things. She made our quilts, curtains, and tote bags, puppets, and various other things. She gave it up for awhile in the last few years, but she's going back to it too. She's teaching herself how to crochet and knit and is re-embracing her love of quilting. I've always had a fair amount of interest in textiles and crafts, but frequently avoided them because of the cheesiness that has gone hand in hand with these things for so long. I try to avoid cheesiness, to varying results but now that there is a craft renaissance going on, I'm all about it. Crafts are modern and cool again. Hooray!

New Vanities

2008-08-13T20:23:00.011-07:00

So... I got a camera. And as we all know, I like taking pictures of myself. Because I'm vain. I'm aware. No need to shout. So... I thought I'd share the love with you. The self-love. The love of all that is me. My other love is doing cool edits to pictures of myself. Because I am my favorite subject. Yup. It's true. The first few here I took in my car when I arrived a little bit too early to a training yesterday. Oh yes, before I forget, one of my brothers-in-law is a professional photographer and he recommended that I get my camera from B&H Photo. They are based in New York and they have great service and good fair prices. I got a ridiculously good deal on my camera, the shipping was fast and I got an extended warranty for a good price. I recommend them! I'm going to start taking pictures of my knitting, my nephews and new baby niece, and my sewing when I start sewing this weekend! I bought patterns and fabric this week... but I've never actually made myself an entire garment before! I'm the queen of small edits and alterations, but I have very very basic sewing skills. I'll track my progress and let you know how it goes!

The results are in...

2008-08-05T17:35:00.001-07:00

and ...

I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFIDS).

Thanks (for nothing) Doc.

Same diagnosis that I got 6.5 years ago.

You're even less helpful than the Cleveland Clinic who told me not too party too hard and to have a nice life. (I couldn't commit to the not partying too hard but I do have a nice life, thanks.)

Same symptoms for the last 12 years.

I still don't accept it.

Where do I go from here?

I don't eat processed foods, I eat a TON of vegetation, my entire life and diet are hypoallergenic (if you haven't seen me in awhile it's probably because I'm allergic to you.), I take good supplements in "proper" amounts (hee hee, proper.), I exercise daily, I like my job, I usually like my family...

What more do you want from me?

A good music recommendation?

Check.

If you haven't met Duffy or Adele yet, you are seriously missing out. They're the sober answer to the tragedy that is Amy Winehouse. I have two Duffy ringtones.

Adele:

Duffy:

So great.

Oh yes, I nearly forgot. My new favorite song:

Estelle: