I'll tell you what Brown can do for me...

My sister/roommate does a lot of online shopping. I feel good about it. The only thing is, I'm the one who is home when the UPS guy comes (at least once a week). It's always the same guy. And he always ogles me in my pajamas. You'd think that the sight of my wacky mop piled on top of my head, my mismatched and solidly unflattering pjs, and my no-makeup face and sometimes as of that hour un-brushed teeth, would put him off. Nope. He always gives me the eye and smiles his skeevy smile and thoroughly creeps me out. He always calls me by my last name and I always lock the dead-bolt after he leaves. I think from now on I'll just let him take the packages to our apartment office. Because I'd rather deal with the office managers, Miss Cuckoo and her sidekick Nutsy, then make sure my blinds are closed and that I've brushed up on my kung-fu every time a package is expected. Sheesh.