07 March 2007

Paths

Here is somewhat of an explanation of my current path, trust me, this is abridged.

I came to the realization that throughout all of my struggles of late, I have consistently found solace and peace at work. There were days on end when I was sure I could not get out of bed and face another day at that school, but I was always able to go to work. I found that I deeply resented that school for taking the energy that I wanted to give the women and children in the shelter. My sister said to me one day that if I didn't look forward to getting up every morning and going to that school, that I probably shouldn't be there. So I prayed and pondered. Earnestly. I looked deeply inside and evaluated my intention. I realized that my truest intention in going to cosmetology school was to provide a way for me to help other women. Some of the most profound experiences of my life have occurred as I have helped another woman to recognize her true beauty. So I naturally concluded that I needed to learn mainstream techniques for discovering beauty so that I could impart this knowledge to my fellow sisters. What I discovered is that real, true beauty comes from inside. We've all heard this and it sounds cliché; but believe me, it gains substance when you see it in action.

Beauty is seeing a woman lift her eyes and feel capable for the first time. Beauty is seeing a mother who has endured humiliating abuse humble herself even further and accept help from strangers in rearing her children. Beauty is a child who has known nothing but cruelty and fear; help another child who is new to shelter; it’s seeing them encourage each other and hold each other’s hands and show deep kindness.

In the past 2 years that I've worked at the shelter, I've considered leaving on several occasions to find a job where I can make more money. Whenever this has happened, my heart has told me that I can leave if I want, but that it will stay behind. I will eventually leave this particular shelter, but only when a better position at another program becomes available. I will advocate for victims of family violence as long as I live.

This summer, I'm going to start taking classes that interest me, focusing particularly on writing and women’s studies. I want to continue to work as a direct advocate for DV victims - and as a writer – to tell their stories and give them a voice. As far as a major goes, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

1 comment:

John Moore said...

Hello,

I'm reading your blog because you're one of the first people to link to my blog "Nonviolent Migration." Thanks for that. It's hard for me to keep blogging without knowing if anyone is reading, particularly because my blog is of a political nature, not a personal one.

Anyway, I thought I'd say something about your comment about possibly leaving the shelter for a higher paying job. Thankfully your heart is telling you 'no.'

Gandhi once said that to be a Satyagrahi (literally someone who holds onto truth, but its connotation is someone who brings about a positive change to the world), we must be "free of pecuniary ambition." According to him, it's okay to have money, but not okay to seek after it.

Now Gandhi is easy to quote, but hard to follow. I was raised in poverty but have the opportunity now to pursue a path that will lead to a lot of money. And for someone who's never had much of it, money has a special appeal. But like you, what my heart wants to do doesn't pay well. So I'm left conflicted.

I just want to thank you for the encouragement your statement had on me as I try also to make my own decisions.

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