30 October 2004
I'm Ok. Really.
Ok. I was really angry yesterday. Rightly so. But he is my friend. I honestly and truly want him to be happy. I was upset because I'd been led on. I'd decided on several different occasions to give up on him - but then he would do things that changed my mind. Well, I was sure I was done. Really done this time. Then all of a sudden, I found his hands in my hair. ("Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth babe, and it makes me wanna make you near me always." - Jewel) I was so sure he really did want to be with me. He paid me so many compliments and was so physically close to me that I was dizzy by the end of the day. I decided to give him another chance despite the protests of Chris and Drew. Ritz told me to "Date him, kiss him, hate him, but do something." Two days later when I saw him again, he wouldn't meet my eye. I was going to ask him what was up, but someone let me know before I got around to it. I killed him with kindness. I asked questions and acted genuinely interested in the situation. I should not have done that. It wasn't honest of me. I'm torn. Torn between my own disappointment and my friend. My friend who I really want to be happy. It hurts, but I'll get over it. I know the drill. And I'm ok, really.