20 December 2004

what happened to miss independent?


Honestly ya'll; I'm just an insecure girl who wants to be loved. I'm just like any other girl who wants to be loved and protected and adored. I may act tough and pretend like I've got it all together, but like everyone else, I want to find the love of my life and begin the next chapter. Before I'd had any experience with love, I had these hugely unrealistic expectations of men and the man who would win my heart. I was looking for a man who embodied all of the characteristics and none of the flaws of my deceased father, who I'd put on a pedestal. I was looking for the sum of every great lover who has ever lived or been portrayed in books or on the silver screen. I assumed somehow that someone so perfect would be perfectly ok with my flaws or maybe that my flaws would disappear just by being with him. I like to think that I've matured significantly. I hope my expectations aren't unrealistic. I've learned a lot from my relationships and have been grateful for all of them. The only regrets I have so far in my dating life are not taking enough risks. I regret letting my fear of rejection stop me from opening my heart. What I require from a partner in a relationship are the things I require of myself. I may not meet all of these requirements, but there is a goal or a desire, and that's important too.

1. Faith. Not just belief. Belief + Action = Faith. Faith is an action word. Just like love. It's so much more than just professing to believe or to love, you must act on these things. I know that if you have true faith, you have a capacity for true love. Whether you realize it yet or not.

2. Passion. Please be passionate about something. What drives you, motivates you, inspires you? It can be me, but it needs to be something else too.

3. Integrity. Be a man of your word. Mean it, say it, do it, be it. Be true to me and true to yourself and it'll be all good.

4. Loyalty. Respect my trust and confidences. Once I let you in, you're really in and there is nothing worse than a betrayal of confidence.

5. Adoration. If you don't absolutely adore me, please don't waste my time.

6. Independence. Please be yourself. Keep being yourself. People change in relationships, just don't try too hard to meet anyone else's expectations - especially mine.

7. Tact. Ok, I know ya'll are thinking about all the times I've belched out loud or announced a fart, but I'm talking about true tact. Knowing how to act in every situation so that the people around you feel respected, confident, secure. Knowing when to speak up, step in, bow out, or clam up. Skill and grace when dealing with others.

8. Unconditional Love. None of this, "If only you would...were...did..." Either you love someone or you don't. Love isn't conditional. Don't ask me to be something I'm not and I'll return the favor.

I'm sure there's more, but my attention span is short. I also have a list of vain requirements (think Kronk), but I won't bother you with those right now. I'll save it for another day.

5 comments:

Erika said...

Kronk's got all that AND his own theme song.

Nessa said...

That's why Kronk is the perfect man. But he only has eyes for Jena right now. He doesn't even know I exist.(sigh) Oh well.

Jena said...

Nice. And that is the most apt, practical, applicable and truthful list I've ever seen. I love it!

Tiff said...

Awesome list! Definetly some things I could work on.

Kevin said...

hi Nessa,
Thanks for leaving a few words on my page. Your blog is supremely cool.
best,
Kevin

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