13 January 2012

bittersweet

I'm supposed to be packing right now. But packing would mean facing the reality that we are moving out of the darling little apartment we love - tomorrow. Last year was full of miracles and intense struggle. We are moving to remove some of the strain - although I know that our coming situation will bring new challenges. My heart is so sad to leave this place. I don't want to. I truly love this place. I've been reminding myself of the negative aspects of living here to try to help myself let go, but it isn't working. So what if it unexpectedly smells weird sometimes? This is my home. I planned to stay here as long as we stay in Arizona. I planned to give birth here - literally - in my own bed. Last year was so full of heart break. No babies came, unemployment, more battles with my chronic illness - the list goes on. We have fought so many spiritual and emotional battles together here. I love who we've become in this place. I know that we will continue to grow and love and that everything will be okay. I'm just not ready to let go. 

2 comments:

Jena said...

I'm so sorry! I'd tell you that you'll love your next place just as much, and that "it's always nice to make new friends," but I'd want to slug my own self if I told me that. Good luck! And I'm so sorry about the no babies!! I don't understand miscarriage yet, but I do understand every single flipping person being pregnant but you!!!

I know it'll be ok though. You're amazing and inspiring and I'm so glad I got a peek into your life right now!

Johnson-n-Johnson said...

I am sorry to hear of the struggles you have been through. I am praying for you and your family. I am sorry about the no babies. That is heart breaking. If you need a shoulder to cry on, come on over!
Brandi

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