Gone Baby Gone

My gorgeous hubs started growing his hair from the day of our wedding and let it grow for 2 years, 2 months, and 6 days. He had a love/hate relationship with his hair. Mostly love, since he kept it for so long. Since I get asked all the time, I'll go and ahead and let you know that I honestly don't care how he wears his hair. When people ask me why I "let" him grow it, I patiently "let" them know that he doesn't need my permission to choose a hairstyle - although I gladly share my input when asked. After a particularly hot day at the end of June, he asked me to cut it for him. We cut it very carefully and donated it to Locks of Love. I promised him a Mohawk mullet and I totally delivered. Because I'm awesome. And because he's hot - with all different lengths of hair - particularly with a mullet.

It is drastic! Take that!

My hair is gorgeous! After swearing for years that I would never be one of those girls who couldn't cut their long hair and then becoming one and then getting a traumatically bad haircut, albeit a long one; I have finally returned to my senses and gotten an adorable and flattering haircut. I told him the only rules were that I can't wear bangs in the summer because I'm way too sweaty and that I needed to be able to pull it back into a chignon - even if it's a small one (it's my new thing). The rest was up to him. Now I have gorgeous blended layers and my hair is only an inch below my shoulders. So what if I had to drive 30 miles one-way for my haircut and it cost me an arm and a leg? It was worth it! Hooray for good hair! I already booked my next appointment with him, hopefully in two months I'll be ready to take this relationship to the next level.

Paths

Here is somewhat of an explanation of my current path, trust me, this is abridged.

I came to the realization that throughout all of my struggles of late, I have consistently found solace and peace at work. There were days on end when I was sure I could not get out of bed and face another day at that school, but I was always able to go to work. I found that I deeply resented that school for taking the energy that I wanted to give the women and children in the shelter. My sister said to me one day that if I didn't look forward to getting up every morning and going to that school, that I probably shouldn't be there. So I prayed and pondered. Earnestly. I looked deeply inside and evaluated my intention. I realized that my truest intention in going to cosmetology school was to provide a way for me to help other women. Some of the most profound experiences of my life have occurred as I have helped another woman to recognize her true beauty. So I naturally concluded that I needed to learn mainstream techniques for discovering beauty so that I could impart this knowledge to my fellow sisters. What I discovered is that real, true beauty comes from inside. We've all heard this and it sounds cliché; but believe me, it gains substance when you see it in action.

Beauty is seeing a woman lift her eyes and feel capable for the first time. Beauty is seeing a mother who has endured humiliating abuse humble herself even further and accept help from strangers in rearing her children. Beauty is a child who has known nothing but cruelty and fear; help another child who is new to shelter; it’s seeing them encourage each other and hold each other’s hands and show deep kindness.

In the past 2 years that I've worked at the shelter, I've considered leaving on several occasions to find a job where I can make more money. Whenever this has happened, my heart has told me that I can leave if I want, but that it will stay behind. I will eventually leave this particular shelter, but only when a better position at another program becomes available. I will advocate for victims of family violence as long as I live.

This summer, I'm going to start taking classes that interest me, focusing particularly on writing and women’s studies. I want to continue to work as a direct advocate for DV victims - and as a writer – to tell their stories and give them a voice. As far as a major goes, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I’ll keep ya’ll posted.

Beginning and Ending

Thank you to all of my supportive friends!! I love you all so very much. Thank you.

It's official. I'm no longer a student at the Toni and Guy Hairdressing Academy. When I went in today, I only felt sad that I wasn't walking out of there with all 1600 hours completed. I said goodbye to the nice instructors and felt the falseness oozing out of some of the others as they said goodbye. There are a few people who it was sad to say goodbye to, but we're friends outside of school anyway. I will not miss that place. But I will miss doing hair for awhile. I felt a huge sense of relief when I made the decision to leave school and was surprised at the sense of calm and release that came as soon as I'd put my things in my car. I didn't want to linger. If I go back to hair school, it will not be to that particular school.

After that, I went with my sister, Reb, and my brother, Dewey, to the local animal control shelter to look for the family cat. She's been missing for 2 weeks. Sadly, we didn't find her. That place broke my heart. I was amazed at how many pit bulls and how many puppies there were. One kennel had 12 or so little puppies that looked like they all came from the same litter. I wanted to take them all home! My sister fell in love with two little puppies as we were leaving. One was all white, the other all black. If our apartment allowed pets, I have no doubt we would've taken them home. What was really scary was that there were more than a dozen kennels under rabies quarantine. Eeek!

From there we went to the 43rd Annual Scottish Gathering and Highland Games. My siblings and I have been really interested in our heritage lately and this is just another branch we're trying to become familiar with. It was cool. I'm crazy in love with bagpipes right now. We stood and watched some pipers for awhile and I was standing so close that I could feel the sound resonating through my body. I loved it. It was a beautiful day - perfect for walking around and looking at people in their wacky medieval get-ups and their super cool kilts.

I honestly feel like a different person now that I've left that school. I'm enrolling in a few summer classes at the community college next week and exploring my options. I'll keep you posted.

A Note of Explanation...

Lest I think me rash, I'm going to explain how I have come to the decision to withdraw from school. A co-worker and I were talking about blogs and she asked if she could read mine. I immediately told her to beware the 2006 posts because they aren't great or happy. This caused me to reflect on my posts and go back and read them. Some aren't so bad... but I could see the slow spiral into misery and bitterness that began about the time I started school. And with time, whether I fully realized it or not, my subconscious decided that the thing that was keeping me from the things that have kept me solid for so long- reading, writing, music, art, quality interaction with friends and family- was the enemy. I cannot live with daily grind. I'm not made like that. Whenever I try to live like that -get up/go to school/run home and change and eat in 15 minutes/race to work/come home/rush to make dinner, the next day's lunch, and get ready for bed/then do it all over again- I start to go under.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being busy. I thrived like never before when given a rigid schedule on my mission. But part of the reason that schedule worked was because there was renewal time built in. That's why this last endeavor failed; there was zero renewal time and no way to build it in. I need at least one morning- the whole morning, just to myself for whatever I choose. I also felt that what I was doing wasn't valid in some way. I know that I could do well in this industry, but at its heart, this industry is BAD. But we all knew that.

I sit through classes where people are so indoctrinated in the propaganda that everyone needs to change their look and that no one is beautiful as they are; that when I speak up with alternatives, I’m shot down and treated like a heretic. I get into arguments about the danger of the chemicals we are working with. My doctor sent a note to excuse me from my mandatory week sitting in the chemical storage closet (dispensary) because it's DANGEROUS and TOXIC and I am trying to keep myself healthy and the director of the school defended the chemicals. And made me feel like a crazy person. And everyone in the school treated me like I was just trying to get out of dispensary duty (washing towels, emptying trash).

I realized early this week that I shouldn't be doing this because I dread getting up and going there everyday. I sit at my station not talking to anyone, reading and studying and avoiding the mindless idiots around me and keeping myself from trying to shake sense into them. I’ve found that I am only happy when I have clients.

I love doing hair.

Truly.

And I'm good at it.

I want to learn more and become an expert haircutter. But so far there is only one salon in the country that I know of where I could work. Because I don't want to breathe fumes everyday that will lower my already low chances of having babies, and that make my bones ache and give me constant headaches. Maybe if I take a break for 6 months or so and strengthen my system I can finish somewhere else where I don't hate it quite so much.

Because as truly warped as the beauty industry is, I feel a deep obligation to other women. To help them and strengthen them and build them up. And having the proper tools to help them discover how truly beautiful they are inside and out really appeals to me.

I've considered becoming a licensed makeup artist and also a licensed phyto-therapist (herbalist) and then blending the two. I love natural makeup and would love to help women take care of their skin naturally. It's just a thought.

As far as being totally broke goes… I found out that there's a part time position open at one of the other facilities in my organization and it's really flexible. All I have to do is drive the boys from the residential facility to their various appointments (doctor, therapist, court). It's mostly mornings and it's only 20 hours a week. It will also allow me to keep my other job, and it'll open up about 4 hours in the middle of every day for me to do what I want with. It will also give me my Saturdays back. Hooray! Right now it seems like the best scenario. We'll see. If that doesn't work out, there are a few other positions at various facilities that I could jump into. I love this organization and I'm happy to give them my time. They do so much good.

This has been an extremely long explanation. But I'm satisfied for now. I'll probably have plenty more to vent tomorrow.

i'm losing it

For a minute I felt insecure because nobody reads my blog. And then I got over it. I'm going to blog anyway because it keeps me sane. So since nobody reads this, I’m going to let crazy out of the bottle. No polite posts. Just the facts. If for no other reason, to force me to be honest with myself. I think I’m quitting school. For a while anyway. Not just another leave. I need to get another job and make enough money to support myself and take some time to find out where my chi went. Because it left a while ago and it should've come back by now. The stresses of family, school and work and barely having enough money and still always feeling sick and having no social life are KILLING me. Really. I can't live like this. Even if it is only 6 more months. I will lose my mind and have to be committed. You may think I jest, but I feel like I’ve got one foot in the door of the loony bin as it is. I swear I’m starting to develop multiple disorders as a result of my environment and it doesn't help that I spend my free time at work reading the dsm-iv and diagnosing myself (read: freaking myself out). And I need to go find good lds friends and I need to go to institute and make friends in my ward and right now I don't have the energy or inclination to do any of those things. And even though I was defensive and got really really pissed off when others cried "depression" awhile back, now it seems more like a reality. It’s been coming on slowly and since I already have anxiety issues, I feel like I’m basically doomed if I don't make a serious change ASAP. So even though it was a new year's resolution of mine (like I really care about resolutions) to continue, I’m going to quit school. I’ll go back to it, because I like it, but I need to get centered first. My axis is off. And I need to recover my center of gravity before it's too late (fear of the crazy house again). And we all know that my biggest fear is losing my mind. There it is. Crazy, straight up.

Grouchy

So...
I'm pretty mad that upgrading to the new blogger basically jacked my old template. Because I loved it. But I couldn't even read my blog from my computer and while it still looked ok from some computers, some people couldn't even see it. So I went to one of their crappy default templates until I have time to sit down and look at the code and fix my old template and force blogger to recognize it, which will probably be never because I've barely got time for basic hygiene right now. And I can't seem to find any way to contact blogger with questions and concerns. And it might just be hormones but I'm pretty peeved about all the ways I've been forced into change lately.

Like how I was desperate to get my hair trimmed, so I entrusted my luscious locks to someone I don't know very well... and it ended very badly. Even though I've been debating whether to really cut my hair for some time now, I only asked for a one inch trim and some simple layers. I was going to cut it in stages. After traumatically losing 4-ish, maybe more like 5 inches from my hair and crying all the way home from school and nearly calling in to work because I felt like I'd been in a car accident, I realize that I really didn't want to cut my hair or do anything drastic. But now it's too late. Now I really keep my hair in a bun all the time. I don't wear it down because if I catch a glimpse in the mirror, I get really really pissed off. Because not only did I lose too much hair, I got a BAD haircut. And it just reiterates my belief that no one should ever get their hair cut in this state because I've only had bad experiences. So I'm basically effed since I want to get it fixed and fixing it will mean cutting a lot more off. So I'm probably going to have to bite the bullet and cut it above my shoulders if I want it to look halfway decent. Dammit!!!! I wasn't ready for this! So as soon as I graduate, I'm going to have to move somewhere else if I want to do good hair.

Ok, enough with the venting. Just don't ask me to make any more changes.

Resolve

At New Year's I usually resolve to not make any concrete resolutions. Which is a contradiction, I know. But this year I want to set goals. I'm still thinking on what I'd like to resolve to do, but I know I want to do something brave and new at least once a month. I'm going to make a list of those things and then I'll post them here. That's one.

As of today, I don't want a career in hair. But I am going to finish school. And who knows, maybe I just feel that way because I've been stressed out and just got over a really bad cold. And because the American way is to take your dream and beat the hell out of it until it barely resembles what you originally conceived and you begin to resent it. But maybe the spark will re-ignite. Here's hoping. So that's the second resolution, I will finish school no matter what.

Thirdly, I will make time for myself. School and work are sapping me. And I've just been coming home and vegging out in front of the tv because I'm so tired. I'm going to use those few hours before bed to do constructive things. That's three.

Just as important, I'm going to save my money for a trip to see my friends after graduation. There's four. That's good for now. I'm going to get to work on that list and I'll get back to you.

I hope you all have a wonderful and fulfilling year!

Much love.


Nessa

I'm not dead...

...just monumentally busy. Life is going well. My health has improved phenomenally and continues to improve every day. School is going really well, but it's hectic. I've started taking clients and I entered a Vidal Sassoon hair cutting competition; I'm freaking out about it so I might take my name off the list. Stupid me chose a beautiful but complicated haircut and I've been practicing on a doll head, but it's not working the way I want it to. And I haven't found a model yet. I don't know whether or not I'm going to find someone who'll let me color their hair red and give them the sexiest mohawk ever. I'm also planning a big Halloween party for the kids in the shelter complete with face painting, apple bobbing and trick or treating. I'm dressing up as a luscious ladybug. I haven't gone all out dressing up since I was a kid so I'm excited. And the coolest thing, I'm trying to get involved with the organization Cut It Out: Salons Against Domestic Violence. My boss gave me an information packet on becoming a trainer for them. Basically I would be training salon professionals how to spot the signs of DV in their clients and how to respond to them and safely refer them to available resources. It's a great opportunity to help me blend my two passions. I'm slowly making friends. I've spent most of my free time with my family since I moved here, but I'm getting back into the swing of the whole social life thing again and have been forcing myself to meet people. So far, so good. That's the run down. I hope everyone is well. I haven't had a chance to check in on anyone's blogs lately, but I'll definitely try this weekend. I love you all!

Hair arguments.

This is from a photo of me and Ritzy and Natalie, but since this post is all about me, I cut them out. Temporarily! Oh yeah, and my hair is long is this photo, but all you see are the front layers.







I love this photo. My hair turned out perfect by accident that day.

This is me as a missionary. Towards the end of my mission.

This is when I was about 20, the guy was my sister's boyfriend at the time.

Check it! This is me at 16!

Another mission photo. This is notoriously the worst haircut of my life. The one I had to fix myself with folding sewing scissors. Luckily the duck-like hairstyles were in full swing.

I think I look startled in this photo.

I think I look good with pretty much any hair. I'm still really unsure what to do with my hair because I'm particular. I need ideas!

Shear clumsiness?

I have a conundrum. For the last two months, I have been learning to cut hair using specific shears. They are lightweight, sharp, and I quickly learned to handle them with no mishaps. Now that I am working on real people, I am told to use different shears that were included in my kit. They are bulkier, heavier, and a good ¼" longer than the others. Because of this, every time I have used them on a real person, I've cut myself. The first time was the tip of my thumb while I was cutting my brother's hair. Luckily, it was shallow and healed relatively quickly. The second was the cut in my previous post, which after nearly a week, has finally developed a scab, but still hurts like the dickens. The 3rd and 4th I acquired while cutting my mom's hair Thursday. They are both on my left index finger, both shallow, but both uncomfortable. The answer seems to be that I need to go back to using the original shears. The reason this is a conundrum at all is because my school considers the other shears to be "mannequin shears" even though they are reasonably expensive ($90) and made for people. They just won't let me use them. I think I'm going to have to show them my marred left hand as substantiation that the $200 shears are a hazard and ask for a refund.

Going to great lengths

Listen ya'll. My hair is boring. Even if it is cut well. It's long and I never do it because it's long. And the desert is hellishly hot. It's time to let it go. Really. If you disagree, I will give you until July 19th to give me good reason why not. Because I will have decided by July 20th what I'm going to do to it and I'm going to implement it. Yes, I do have a lot of haircuts picked out so I can take my hair short in stages, but my flavor is changing so I need to do some new research before I choose. And I'm feeling like I need to do something drastic. If you are adamant that I should not cut my hair, you can try bribing me with my New Love. Or something along those lines. By the way, I'm still obsessed with this one too. I am open for hair suggestions. You can even email me photos if you want.

Improvements.

The Universe must've been mad at me for not doing my hair. The last two weeks have been rotten. Besides all the things I told you about, my week ended with these really gross things: the family cat has been very sick and a large lump on her back has turned into a huge oozing sore and she's skin and bones and luckily she's finally going to the vet tomorrow. Yesterday during my very first real live haircut on a person, I cut a mean gash in my middle finger with my samurai-sword-sharp shears that bled for an hour. I had to finish her hair with a bandage and a rubber glove on one hand.
Life's been rough, but I can already feel a shift.
Reasons why things are better:
*Ya'll have been really supportive and I'm blessed to know you.
*As I was reading my scriptures, I found a verse that gave me the focus and comfort I needed.
*I found out that 3 of my classmates have been feeling the same way as I have and we've been really supportive of each other.
*My friend's haircut/color turned out beautifully and she gave me a big tip, even though I'd nearly mortally wounded myself in the process.
*A girl in the class ahead of me who's been a jerk told me that I do gorgeous work.
*I'm moving into my new place on the 22nd.
*I'm participating in a hairshow in August where all the salons in the valley will be able to see my work and I already have my model. I'm part of the 80's segment and I'm doing a modern version of the flock of seagulls classic.
*It's almost monsoon season, so the air is more humid and there are actually clouds in the sky.

Oh yeah, I put a chat box in my sidebar. It's towards the bottom. Leave me love notes!

Reality bites...

I woke up late this morning, got ready and rushed out the door at 7am to find my car, my mother's car, and my garage door covered with drying chunks of egg. One hour more and it would be so hot the egg would bake into the paint and ruin it. I ran in the house and woke my mom up, got rags and the hose and started washing. Luckily the egg hadn't dried. Between the egg and the evil ants that attacked my feet and legs, my morning was thoroughly shot. And I was trying really hard to keep my all white ensemble clean. School starts at 8am. It takes 45 min - 1 hr to get there. School policy is that if you aren't there by 9am, don't bother coming. By the time everything was clean, my clothes were not and … you get the picture. I went back to bed.

This whole school thing is rough. The learning itself isn't the problem. The problem is that I don't have any time to myself. No quiet reflection time, no reading time, no time to discover new music. No time to write poetry. No photography. My life is mindless grind. I get up very early and get dressed very quickly. Ironically, I rarely do my hair. My eyebrows are out of hand. My makeup is ok, but remarkably basic. I've left the house on two different occasions with chipped nail polish. (I once cried my eyes out on my mission because my trainer wouldn't let me fix my chipped nail before we left the house. I was raised that it's tacky and inexcusable.) My clothes are all white. I don't even look at which whites I'm pairing anymore. Because I don't care. My favorite skirt and shirt are ruined. I wear ugly shoes for comfort and spend my time trying to dodge the foulness and drama that's swirling all around me all day. This setup is making me mean, impatient, unkind, and unhappy. My first instructor gave me great advice, not to let anyone steal my joy. I repeat this to myself several times a day. It's hard, I tell you. I'm constantly on my guard and by the time I get to work everyday, I don't have any physical or emotional energy to help the kids. My boss sees it, but she's patient and supportive.

Something's gotta give.

I've already gotten really sick twice and I've used all my sick days for the school year except one; even though I've been meticulous about eating healthy, drinking TONS of water and taking vitamins. How come the people who get wasted every night after school and come in unprepared and hung over and stupid and who live off Red Bull and diet pills aren’t getting sick? I barely have time to do my laundry and grocery shopping and homework. I knew I was going to have to make some sacrifices for school, but I'm only 2 months into it and I feel like it's taking more than I'm capable of giving. Last week when I woke up with the stomach flu, I was sure at first that it was my chronic fatigue coming back with a vengeance because I was so tired I could barely move. I lay in my bed thinking about the implications of a new bout of fatigue and cried. The gut wrenching sickness that ensued was actually a relief.

When I started school, I wondered why there were so many pretty girls walking around with horrible looks on their faces. Now I realize that it's the stress of the environment. It makes you bitter. I love this field. I love what I'm learning. I'm angry that there are so many people around me doing everything they can to keep me down and make my life a living hell. To take the joy of learning what I love away from me. Often, these are people who don't have to support themselves and who don't have $14,000 in loans to pay back. It's overwhelming. I know that it'll be all right in the end because it always is, but the mean time is difficult.

Ups and downs

I'm finally better!
And while we're talking about good news, my sister Reb and I are getting an apartment together. It's going to cut my commute drastically and save me a ton of money in gas. I'll be living about 3 miles from work and 25 minutes from school. Instead of 15 miles from work and 45 min to 1 hour+ from school. I'm really excited about it. We'll be moving in towards the end of the month. Hooray!
Oh yeah! I've moved on to Phase II at school and have classes downstairs now. At school yesterday, I had to practice wrapping a perm. I have never, in my life, had anything to do with perm rods. I wish that were still true. My instructor decided that since I'm nice, she'd ask me to help other people with whatever they're doing, including showing some needy boy how to roll hair onto the rods and washing hair color out of someone else's bowls while they were at lunch. I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was all the propaganda about service I've been fed my entire life. But it just made me mad by the end of the day. Because putting an entire head of long hair on perm rods and then taking them out again took me the entire day, but it needn't have. And I'm still tired from having the flu and 7 hours is a long time on your feet. At the end of the day when we were cleaning up, I asked some of the people who I'd helped for some assistance and needy boy looked at me like I was crazy. And then he motioned for me to go away. That's when I realized my mistake all day. That I'd wasted my education hours on other people. None of them would help me if I ever needed it. I looked at needy boy and said, "Never again. Just so we're clear. Do not under any circumstances ask me for a moment of my time again. Because I'm not doing anything for you." I'm going to have to let my instructor know next week that unless she's giving me a cut of her paycheck, I'm not going to help her do her job.

Pretty's for Suckers

Once someone is past the age of 21, they aren't pretty anymore. Pretty is for little girls. They're beautiful, or striking, or breathtaking, or boring, or... different, but not pretty. I am not pretty. I am something else. Something Better. I spend 7 hours a day in front of a mirror as part of my education. And I like it. Because I'm vain. And I really like myself. And you can think what you like about it, but I've earned it.

"You have such a pretty face." Translation: You're fat, but I'm trying really hard not to notice and so I'm gonna make up a compliment to make myself feel better about it. At least disguise your fake compliments better.

Seriously people. Stop acting so surprised that my legs are so gloriously white or that I'm so confident about my body. Body love is a choice. I've forced myself to face myself nude in a mirror and tell myself that I love me and that I'm beautiful, etc. More than once. I have worked hard to change the negative body image that was ingrained by everyone in my life. My mom told me for years that I was pretty, but that boys would like me better if I was skinny. Not true. Boys like you better if you like yourself. And they didn't like me when I didn't like myself and now that I do, they come around. I just don't always like them back. Big deal. I'm waiting for a man who feels the same way about himself.

Sorry ya'll, the hormones/sleepy combo is making me a little bit feisty today. I almost sat on the floor and cried in Trader Joe's today because they stopped making my shaving cream. I've been using it for a really long time and I can't go back to shaving cream in a can. It just doesn't compare. And I really want to show off my gorgeous milky legs at church tomorrow. Oh well. Tomorrow I will have gotten LOTS of sleep, so I should be fine.

It's past my bedtime!

I have to put in a plug for the Dixie Chick's new album, "Taking the Long Way." Because I love it. If you haven't heard it yet, you gotta check it out. My favorite songs are "Easy Silence" and "Lullaby," they're the most beautiful songs on the album. And all that crap about their really controversial song is a load of crap cuz it really isn't all that controversial anyway. Seriously people. Listen to it. It's not a big deal. Anywho... I love it. And I listen to it over and over. You can listen to the whole thing from this link. Yeah, you're welcome. When I have some more time, I'm gonna make a list of all the good movies I've seen in the last while. But right now, I'm supposed to be preparing a presentation on "The Wedgie," but I'm gonna go to bed instead.

The smartest people I know go to beauty school...

Overheard conversation:

Boy: So what's (some random girl's name) doing with her life since high school?
Girl: Oh my gosh! She actually had a baby, what was she thinking? And she's studying something weird. Anthropology?
Boy: What is Anthropology anyway?
Girl: I think it's like the study of the body?
Me: (Obviously eavesdropping) PA HA HA!! (super loud outburst) Are you kidding me? (mocking her ever so slightly) It's more like the study of society and behavior.
Girl: Oh. My bad.

For real ya'll. I had to announce to my classmates that I'm not gonna dumb down so they can feel included in class. I can't even tell you how many times people act seriously offended because I answer questions in class and like, know stuff.

Another great conversation:

Girl: Cold sores are not herpes! I never put my face down there.
Whole class: Yes they are, it's a different kind of herpes. And you don't get them that way.
Girl: No they're not herpes, I asked my doctor. I don't have herpes!
Smarty Pants (Me): Honey, the scientific name is herpes labialis. You know, your lips?

There are some smart people around, but everyone dumbs down to make each other feel comfortable. I'm not gonna go there. The last time I was in high school was 1998. And I didn't even dumb down back then. I overheard a boy from my 11th grade biology class trying to describe me one day and he said, "you know, the girl from Florida who knows everything."

I liked it like that. Cuz I do know everything, duh.

Except how to fix my printer so I can print out my essay on what I want to be doing with my life in 5 years that's due in the morning. I'm just gonna write, "phat crib, pimp ride, lotta cash, hot man" on a post it note and hand it in.

I rocked a Chick-hawk today. It looked kinda like this:



But mine needs work. Hey man, it was my first time. In other news, I won the week-long "Best Blow Dry Style" Competition in my class. This means that every time I did my tranny manny's hair from last Saturday to today, I rocked more than everyone else. As soon as my instructor announced the competition, I got down to business. I won a TIGI S-Factor Modern Camcorder Blowdryer. It's really cool, but I couldn't find any pictures of it on online. It looks like a tall thin diffuser and kinda like an old fashioned milk bottle. It has a strap on the side and you hold it like a camcorder (no handle). It's sweet!

Pride

I fixed it. And I'm really proud of it. This is the same haircut I botched up last week, but we cut it again and shorter and I passed with flying colors. I was going to post a big ol' vent about the drama going on at school, but I'm over it, cuz crazy people aren't worth my time. So instead I'm posting pictures of my absolutely beautiful work. And some of the absolutely beautiful pics I've taken of my nephews lately.