Inspired by Ritz, here are some funny things I've heard from kids lately:
Watching Ninja Turtles with a 4 year old in shelter:
Kid: "Um... Did you chust fahwit?"
Me: "No little dude, that was totally you."
Kid: "Oh yeah, I'm really fahw-ty wight now."
Me: "Did you eat some beans today?"
Kid: "No, I chust needs to fahwit."
He then proceeded to fart every 15 minutes and tell me every time.
A conversation between a 10 year old girl and a 12 year old boy:
Girl: Look at these ladybugs!
Boy: Whoa! That's one gigantic ladybug!
Girl: That's two ladybugs stupid.
Boy: Oh my gosh they're killing each other!!
Girl: (Rolling her eyes) That's called mating.
Girl: Boys are so stupid sometimes.
Conversation with a four year old new to shelter:
Me: "Do you need something to eat darlin'?"
Him: (Eyeing me suspiciously) "No thanks."
Me: "Ok. Just let me know."
He gave me this look like I was crazy.
Me: (Puzzled) "What?"
Him: "I just don't like it when you call me someone else's name. I'm not Darlin, I'm Kevin*."
Me: "Ooohh. Sorry. I'll remember that."
*Name changed. You know, confidentiality.
My 2 year old nephew, pointing to apple-sauce, "Assle-sauce mama."
My sister and I died laughing.