29 April 2007

I originally started this post on April 14, but got side-tracked and forgot about it until today.

I don't aspire to be great. I aspire to be as useful as possible. I've recently been able to read and hear some of the stories and histories of the people I've descended from. They were humble and hard working and God-fearing and compassionate. Not wealthy or famous and I don't want those things either. They were the best kind of every-day-people. I seek to be comfortable in the way that I live, but not at the expense of others or our dear planet. I've had some beautiful and introspective days recently. I've taken the time to think about the things I seek. Through the hikes with my brother and sister and I'm finding that I seek nature. I love seeing new places and exploring and feeling the sun on my face. But that is not what this is about.

I want to share some thoughts with you that I posted on my other blog some time ago. This is some of what I have reflected on recently:

I believe that we create our own destinies. That this is what God wants for each of us. That our greatest and noblest hopes and dreams and desires for ourselves are the things that He sent us here to discover and make happen. He loves us so very much that He will help us become all of these things. The struggle is conquering fear, insecurity, inadequacy, self doubt. This is no small task. These things are powerful and come at us from every angle and every speed everyday. We have to stay close to Him and re-focus and remind ourselves everyday of our goals and dreams. And we have to find people with focus and love who are as determined to help us get there as we are for them.

My greatest and noblest hopes and dreams and desires for myself are these: I desire to change the world; I desire to be of service to mankind; To teach and inspire and help the people I come into contact with; I seek to know God and know that by serving Him, I will be blessed; I believe that those of us who seek to know God have a responsibility to serve and educate those around us, not only in the ways of God, but in the ways that will help them to reach their full potential in the world; I desire to raise children to be intelligent and kind and thoughtful and open minded and to instill in them the desire and ability to change the world every day; I desire to help women understand that the old idea of what "feminism" means is outdated and damaging; That you, as a woman, have a right to be absolutely everything that you want; That you do not have to apologize for any of your desires and that you must be true to yourself; I desire to tell all of the people in the world who want to judge me harshly that I forgive you, but that does not mean that I will not try to stop you and love you and educate you every single day of my life; I cannot and will not be put into your box; I am what I am and I change everyday and I hope you do too; I desire to learn as much every single day as is in my power to do.

I will no longer chastise myself for not being what I have been taught I must be in order to succeed and be happy.

I will succeed and be happy by taking each day and allowing it to be what it is meant to be instead of what I, or someone else may try to make it. At the same time, I will make each day as happy and beautiful and productive as I can and will allow myself to have as many bad days as I want or need.

I desire to marry someone who is intelligent, kind, thoughtful, devoted to God, committed to changing the world, unwilling to sit idly by while the world suffers; someone who understands my need for an egalitarian union. I need balance. I also understand that a perfect balance takes time and I am willing to put in the work.

I know that God knows my deepest desires and that as I ask, He will answer.

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