31 March 2007

Reasons Why Not

OK, in my efforts to keep an open mind, I have been denying my natural and perfectly normal responses to my date. But I'm a girl. I want to psycho-analyze it and tell you all the reasons why not. I'm definitely an over-analyzer and could go on for weeks about this, but I'll leave it here. No need to smear all my neuroses and his all over this page. If you want to know more (trust me, there's a lot), feel free to call me or email me. I love date-dissection.

And if you, my date, are somehow reading this, great. You're a nice guy, but you aren't the guy for me. I'll never say any of this to your face, I'll just tell you it isn't going to work out, so if you are reading, get some insight and then leave me some comments about your perceptions of me. I can take it.

Here are a few of my many gripes:

I let my sister convince me to keep my views/important facts about me (like being allergic to the world) in a bottle. It's my fault for listening to her. I know that there is a time and a place, but to keep the things I feel very strongly about under wraps to catch a man is warped. That may be her game, but it is surely not mine. I am a passionate and outspoken person and I am proud of this dammit! I am loyal to my causes and to my varied beliefs. I don't believe that it is necessary or polite to stuff your opinions down the throat of a stranger, but when you've just met someone and you are spending time together to get to know each other and your date is painfully long, it's perfectly OK to let some of this stuff out of the bag. That's why you're on the date; to share info, ideas, and opinions and make a judgment. Sheesh. I did manage to let a big cat out of the bag. As we were driving along I saw a new pointless high-rise being built dangerously close to tribal land and said in a very exasperated tone, "Geez, What now?" He asked what I was talking about and I told him how much I hate developers who just keep adding to the sprawl. I told him that it was the raging environmentalist in me. He said, "Just so long as you aren't like an Al Gore environmentalist." Excuse me? I politely said that I most definitely was. And that if I had the ways and the means, I would be out doing exactly what Al Gore is. He was quiet for awhile after that.

Gripe # 1. Doesn't respect environmentalists. Global warming is not a myth people!

Another thing, we were at a salsa tasting festival. I love heat. I like good flavored salsa with just the right amount of heat. I can take A LOT of heat. But I am allergic to corn (read: corn chips everywhere) and bell peppers. Heh heh, yeah. I also left this in the bag and was willing to incur a potential migraine to get to know this guy. That’s big of me if I do say so myself. As is to be expected, I hate having allergic reactions. I took some allergy medicine before I left the house and was well stocked with provisions in my purse. I know the drill. After a lot of asking/tasting around, we finally found the hottest salsa at the festival and as the heat kicked in for my date, he said he needed to find water. I told him to eat a handful of chips plain and that it would help it subside. (It really wasn't all that hot, but the guy who made it was.) My date completely DISREGARDED my advice and set off to find COLD water. Then he stood in a long line for several minutes although I told him they weren't serving water, only tequila, again disregarding my advice, only to discover for himself that I was right. By that time the heat had worn off. Why the stubborn disregard of my wisdom in these matters? I know how to deal with a burning mouth. Believe me. My second to last comp in the mission was a gorgeous Mexicana who got me acclimated to salsa that locals couldn't handle. Heat and I are friends. At least he bought me a snow cone.

Gripe # 2. Doesn't take me at my word.

Then we were talking about jobs and somehow my old job in Provo came up. He asked why I didn't like it and I told him that they refused to promote me even though I was better qualified than others around me; that I’d realized that no females were promoted beyond a certain point and that the company was sexist. He scoffed at this and then asked me how well they paid and where were they located since he is moving to Provo this summer. Hello? I didn't tell him, I changed the subject. And another thing, he asked me how much money I make now! Again I changed the subject; I was actually quite taken aback by this tactless question. He brought it up again a little later and I said in just such a way that he would know that I found the question impertinent, "How much I personally make? Or how much people in my field make in general?" He stuttered for a moment and asked in general. I answered that it depends on their experience. He left it alone after that.

Gripe # 3. Might be a sexist. He obviously thought the discrimination that I went through was all in my head. Lacks tact. (OK, so this is two gripes, maybe even three.)

Oh and here is probably my biggest gripe by far: He was so into the salsa that I could've walked away (or run away with someone else) and he would not have noticed (at least for a while). I am a charming and beautiful girl if I do say so myself. And because I was on a date, I was on my best, most charming, and affable behavior. Not to mention the fact that I looked like a goddess with flowing curls, kissable cheeks, and sparkling eyes (no need to mention my glorious lips, they speak for themselves. Ha ha, get it?). It seemed like everyone at the festival was responding to my charm except my date. There was even a girl so enamored of me that she gave me a necklace. Two separate gentlemen stopped me in my tracks to talk to me even though my date was right next to me; because unfortunately he was invisible and forgettable. One interested stranger was so interesting and charming (the maker of the hottest salsa) that I nearly considered finding a way to slip him my number. He was so intent on talking to me that it became a little bit awkward and although I tried to involve my date in the conversation (he just stood there with a blank look on his face, while he shoveled more salsa); I had to graciously extract myself from the situation. I shouldn't have had to do that; my date should have involved himself in a conversation with me. I, at least, was trying.

Gripe # 4. The salsa and I were too hot for him.

OK, on to the next gripe, and I've blogged about this before. He was NOT a safe driver. Maybe he really was distracted by the hotness that is me, maybe he was daydreaming about wizards/salsa/snow cones and gumdrops, and maybe he was asleep.
HE RAN A RED LIGHT!!!
It wasn't a little bit red. It had been red for awhile before we got to it. He didn't pause or hesitate. Nothing. He didn't even see it. It's not like we were deep in conversation either. It was during one of the 500,000 silent spells we had when I needed a break from holding up both sides of the conversation. And that's not all folks, he is a drifter. He was drifting in and out of lanes that didn't belong to him like a drunken Granny. I was white knuckling the handle above my door. He didn't seem to notice.

Gripe # 5. I COULD HAVE DIED.

And last, but most definitely not least; I will leave this one with no explanation as it speaks for itself:

Gripe # 6. He called his "Maw-maw" THREE TIMES while on our date.

Truly.

The End.

3 comments:

Nama said...

oh, nessa. i support most of your analyses, and i personally would have a difficult time going out with him again.

so...i want more details...why do you call me & tell me more! and also, i need to majorly update your on my life. cause it's all good.

Dilly said...

Sounds as though he is a major toolbag and I feel sorry for whatever woman ends up with the dope.

Nessa said...

Ha ha! Thanks Dilly!

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