Confession #5 ?

Kinda like Mambo #5 but not really.

Any-who, my confession is this:

I don't know how to wear brown.

I recently bought brown pants and a brown skirt, but I'm taking them back because I have no idea what to do with them. I tried them on with every single shirt that I own, but nothing seems to work. Especially since I'm really into green right now, but brown + green = shrubbery. And don't even get me started on the shoe issue. I do have 2 pairs of brown shoes and some brown flip flops, but they don't get much use. I bought the shoes to go with brown pants I bought last fall, but I had to get rid of the beautiful royal blue shirt I wore them with because it faded after a few washes and now my choices seem so limited.

It's really weird.

I can pull off black or grey or yellow or fuschia-everyday with or without tangerine or lime green stilettos with a turquoise sweater or greens or purples or even royal blue (and sometimes all-together), but brown is like trying to learn a language that I've never heard anyone speak. At least now I know I won't dye my hair brown.

I give up.

At least I saved my receipt.

Hooray!

I'm in a really really good mood today! Even after spending two hours this morning ringing up flip flops in a thrift store. The organization I work for has 3 thrift stores and they need extra help and I need extra cash. So I'm gonna be filling in a few mornings a week through October. And it really isn't that bad except it's really dusty. And I got 3 big mosquito bites on my freshly shaved legs. And now I am on my way to my normal job looking exceptionally hot, except for the three huge red welts on my left leg. And I could put on long pants, but my skirt is too cute to take off. Oh well. My hair looks good.

slowly...

The compliments aren't quite so clumsy anymore.

Word to the wise:
Words like "Wow" and "glowing" and "radiant" are excellent choices when speaking to a woman. Especially when she is having a less than perfect day. Sincerity is a definite plus as well. It's kinda sweet. But I'm not sure how I feel about it...

a beautiful day

Today was beautiful!
I threw another Birthday Party in the shelter today, this time for a 5 year old boy. I always make sure I give each child at least their own handmade blanket as well as toys. One of my co-workers decorates cakes and made a whole construction site on top of the cake for this kid. He was so excited.
Here are the other highlights of my day:
Spending the early evening chatting outside with several women in the shelter and hearing their good stories and their hopes and dreams.
Being told by a client that shelters everywhere need more people just like me.
Two of my co-workers taking the time to tell me that I am a wonderful person and a bright spot in their lives and that they are lucky to know me. (These two are my surrogate mothers, I really love them.)
Being followed around the shelter by a chubby toddler who adores me.
Being told by a 5 year old who is moving out of shelter tomorrow that she wishes she could take me with her.
Coming home from work and feeling like I'd actually done some good in the world today.
Sitting under the stars with a boy who has dark pretty eyes and freckles and thinks I'm wonderful.
My mother buying me a plane ticket so I can spend Christmas in my hometown for my sister's wedding.

Etiquette

Disagree with me if you must, but I must say it; under no circumstances should you bring lingerie to a bridal shower. Lingerie is for lingerie parties (also called lingerie showers or personal showers) or bachelorette parties. Bridal showers include Southern Grandmamas and Aunties and Cousins and soon to be Mothers-in-law who should not be subjected to the opening of tactless gifts. And no, you are not supposed to be embarrassed at your bridal shower. It's not a requirement. And yes, everyone knows the bride-to-be is going to have sex on her wedding night. That doesn't mean you should wrap up a book called "Sex for Dummies" and make her unwrap it in front of the classy Southern Belle known as her Grandmama. I was mortified. My poor cousin was embarrassed and her classless friends were jubilant. My cousin tried to put the obviously wrapped gifts off to the side, but her friends forced her to open them. Blushing to her toes she said, "I want you to know I'm very embarrassed because I can see my Grandmama's face." Unless you are a very close friend, it is not your responsibility to buy her lingerie. If you feel you must, go out and buy a gift card to Fredericks or Victoria Secret or Nina Beri or La Perla, but please, don't pick up the TRASHIEST article you can find and bring it to an afternoon bridal shower. Or, be a pal and throw her a lingerie party and please spare the rest of us.

Conversations with Boodji

car maintenance

It's only been a year and my "Service Engine Soon" light is finally off. And now my remarkably generous sister is $250 poorer. At least until I pay her back. God bless her. Lamé hasn't purred like this since I drove her off the lot. I think I'm gonna bake my mechanic some cookies.

Is this really news?

So, I just ran into a news headline that said, "Tyra Banks proves that her breasts are real." Seriously people.
Who cares?
I mean, even if she paid for them, they're still hers, and they're real because bags of saline are real. Do they mean as opposed to being holographic? And who does she have to prove it to? They're her body parts for crying out loud! And again, who cares?
Especially when things like this are being ignored by the media. And that's just the tip of the iceburg. These people report responsibly. And these people are trying to get the major stations to report on real world issues. I saw an interview with Angelina Jolie where the interviewer was trying really hard to get her to validate the rumors that are disgracing magazine covers everywhere. Angelina pointed out how ridiculous it was that 50 photographers followed her and her child to a park when there are millions of children dying of AIDS. She pointedly refused to answer those ridiculous questions. And talked instead about her activism and motherhood. I gave her a freaking standing ovation in my living room. Whatever happened to responsible journalism?

Quicksilver

Ok, I'll admit it. I've gone a little bit crazy with the whole blog template thing. I just keep finding cool ones. So deal with it. Because I don't forsee this going away anytime too soon. Because I reserve the right to change my mind. Besides, it'll give you something to look forward to...

I fixed the comments...

if you have any problems commenting, please email me ASAP so I can fix it!

Asinine

Yet another Confession:

I immediately dislike people who use the word asinine as part of their lexicon.

I think it started with a girl in high school who was a terribly unsuccessful social climber. She mistakenly thought I was popular and after developing a "best friend-ship" with me, sadly realized that I didn't give a hot-stink for popularity. Or school for that matter. And she claimed I stole her man. whatever. She stalked him, I charmed him. I think his name was Mark. She thought that word made her sound smart. Dork.

Then there was the ex-boyfriend who whipped it out when I refused to spend my Sunday evening shopping with him in the hole also known as Wal-Mart. He was actually referencing my desire to observe the Sabbath! Trust me, there are 10 ga-zillion things I'd rather do with my time. And much holier things to do on a Sunday night. And much nicer men to date. Jerk.

So there you have it.

It's kinda like Ritz and the name Tabitha. There's no rhyme or reason, it just makes me irritable.

OBSESSION

Let me tell you why I happen to love Stake Conference.

1. The spiritual edification.
2. The uplifting music.
3. 2000 heads of hair for me to observe.

I know. I have a sickness. I'm obsessed with hair. It doesn't help that my Stake Center is 2 blocks from a major Aveda school, so going meetings last night and this morning, I passed it 4 times. And my sister and her roommate asked me to do their hair last night (one curly, one straight), so I was already in stylist mode by the time we got to the meeting. I want to constantly stop people and ask them what they did to achieve a particular result. Or why they think that wearing the same painfully-straight blonde weave is still popular when it is obvious that their hair looks Dead? And hello? Have you ever heard of getting back to nature? Or of newer techniques, such as ballyage and the like?

Any who...
This morning, I was lucky enough to sit behind two sisters with AMAZING hair. Seriously ya'll. Sometimes it was hard to focus on the speakers because I was observing the precision lines of their freakin' fantastic hair. I grabbed them as soon as the meeting was over and asked them where they get it cut. They gave me the name of their salon and stylist. I'm gonna call her first thing tomorrow. And I should be enrolled in one school or the other by the end of the week. I'll let you know.

I promise I was spiritually uplifted and got a lot out of the conference as well... I actually came home and shared with my family.

I ♥ IFILM

Bill Gates Goes To College.

Watch this, it's funny.

The Best I Can Do

The best I can do is educate myself. Learn as much truth as I possibly can and then use my energy as it comes to make things better. To fight apathy. I can't support every cause every day. But today I can support the one that moves me today and tomorrow I can support the one that moves me tomorrow. One cause a day should keep me busy for the rest of my life. I certainly hope so anyway. The thing I've heard people say that upsets me the most is that if they support one cause they'll have to support all of them, so it's easier to support no cause. I've had people question my causes and beliefs and criticize my activism, and treat me like somehow my support is flawed; because I don't see the world in black and white, or don't take their "side". I believe thoughts and statements to that effect are pure malice. And dangerously ignorant. Especially coming from people with no cause. Who don't vote. A big part of my Stake Conference was focused on our civic duties. Our responsibility to get involved. One of the speakers even asked for a raise of hands from the registered voters. It's important. Your causes are your own, but you need to have them, at least one.

I Can Be:

Vegetarian and still wear leather
A meat eater and still speak out against factory farming
Christian and Politically Non-partisan
Perfectly heterosexual and still openly admire the form and beauty of another woman
Non-Conformist and Socially Adept
Glamorous and Natural
Faithful and Inquisitive
Uneducated and Well Read
Colorful and Pure
Truthful and Tactful (this requires the most skill)
Sensual and Chaste
Submissive and Confident
Outspoken and Reserved
Funny and Considerate
Angry and Kind

SKILLZ

These pictures are incredible.
And very moving.
And I won't lie,
I cried a little bit.

57

Today would've been my Daddy's 57th Birthday.

Happy Birthday Daddy.

Fair warning:

Sometime within the next two weeks or so, my hair will be losing about 3 inches of length. I just wanted to warn you. This post is mostly just to give Jon some time to deal with it. Breathe Jon, breathe; it grows back. And 3 inches really isn't all that much when you've got about 20.

timeline

for future reference boys:

three minutes after you've just said to a woman, "i really really like you. i think you're absolutely fantastic. you're so very unique and funny... blah blah blah. i'm so glad i met you..."

don't call her a "bitch". even if you're just kidding. it isn't ever funny. especially when you work in a dv shelter. and it sure as hell isn't a term of endearment.

get it?
got it?
good.

ok. i'm over it.

Dreams Part II

So, remember that dream that made me sad? I dreamed up its antithesis and woke up really really happy. Seriously ya'll, that sad dream ruined my whole day. I had to have a serious talk with myself, you know, the old, "Leah, it was just a dream, you gotta get over it fool!" So when the good dream came and I felt so wholly reconnected to my dear friend again, I had to remind myself that this too, was just a dream. We are still somewhat estranged... but I'm not so heartbroken about it anymore. That dream let me feel our old connection again. And that feeling didn't fade all day.
It's enough for now.

There is no cure...

Wow.
These symptoms are familiar.
Sweaty palms.
Nervous stutter.
Increased heart rate and labored breathing.
The witty banter and pose-striking that ensues when a certain someone enters the room.
The "accidental" physical contact.
The casual conversations full of "getting to know you" questions.
The clumsy compliments.
Poor sucker.
He's got it pretty bad.

I have that effect on people.

My regular irregularities

I fell asleep on the floor in my office yesterday. That's what's nice about having a quiet office in a separate building from everyone else... that's stocked with pillows and blankets. Also, I keep having weird dreams, but I won't bother you with those today.
I straightened my hair yesterday for the first time in a couple of months and it was so difficult and time consuming I got kinda angry... and threw a round-brush at my wall. But I got through it and my hair looked hot.
Donating blood is so much more fulfilling when the guy drawing your blood is gorgeous. Well done Red Cross. Well done indeed.
And last but not least... my nephews are perfectly adorable. Even though Cheeks looks like a buddhist monk in this picture.

Passion

I went to a three hour training today on "Infant and Toddler Mental Health." You know you've worked in behavioral health too long when you start liking those seminars and actually bring extra handouts home for your family. The training really was good and it made me think that I would be a fantastic child psychologist. It also made me think that I need a child psychologist. And then I started thinking about how I was gonna do my hair after I got home. And then I thought about what I was going to eat after I got home. And then the speaker started talking about ADD and I felt guilty and made myself listen. And then she started talking about children in crisis and I listened harder.

But what I really want to say is this:

"Sometime ago a woman came with her child to me and said: 'Mother, I went to two or three places to beg for food, for we have not eaten for three days but they told me that I was young and should work and earn my living. No one gave me anything.' I went to get some food for her and by the time I returned, the baby in her arms had died of hunger." ~Mother Teresa

As the whole country is doing their best to pull together and be supportive and give what they can, I can't help but think about the need that has always been here that so many Americans have chosen to ignore for so long. This thought process was inspired by my shelter babies. The kids I deal with every day. Children in crisis. As I watch the news and feel the urge to run South and help, I'm stopped by my shelter babies. They are tangible. So are their needs. I’m stopped by the four year old whose wide shell-shocked eyes have finally come into focus and who is finally speaking. And the 3 year old I comforted on Wednesday night while she cried because she misses her daddy and doesn't understand why she hasn't seen him for so long (2 weeks). And the two babies whose first steps were taken in the shelter. And the memory of the day I answered crisis calls with one of those babies on my hip.

The victims of the disaster in the Gulf need our support, our time, our money, our blood. So do the homeless and those in crisis in our local communities. I saw a family on "Dateline NBC" that were telling their Katrina story and told how they felt embarrassed and debased that they had to designate themselves as "homeless" when they went to enroll their children in school. America wept with them. Felt their pain. I truly am sorry for them. I can't imagine having to claim homelessness. I just wish that America was so wholly supportive of the homeless that they've always had in their communities. Instead of treating them like a burden on society, second class citizens. These people too, are victims of circumstance.
Homelessness is homelessness.
Crisis is crisis.
Help is help.
Love is love.

Kanye West made an excellent point on the Ellen DeGeneres Show today. He used an analogy and I’ll paraphrase. He talked about how when he was a kid and had to sweep the floor, he would sweep all the dust under the sink instead of putting it out. Then, whenever he spilled something at that sink, all the dust would fly up in his face. He said America has been ignoring the thousands of people in the Gulf that have been living below the poverty level for generations. They’re the dust under our sink. When the hurricane rain came down, their needs flew up in our faces.

I find it interesting that I'm really just writing about this subject now. The homeless have always been my passion. It's sad that it's taken a crisis to get me to really open my mouth the way I needed to. I don't have much, but I intend to give what I can when I can. I'm using my small life, my small voice, and this small website to encourage others to give. My hope is that by speaking the truth, somebody somewhere will make a connection and realize their power to change the world.

I hope that Americans will make giving and serving to this magnitude a habit. That we'll make regular donations of our time, energy, money, blood, and love. We should expect nothing less of each other.

Mosiah 4: 16-19

“16: And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

17: Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just-

18: But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

19: For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon that same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?”

Donate Blood

The above title has nothing to do with this post. I just want to encourage those who are able, to give blood.

Dreams
I dreamed in code last night. Computer code. HTML code. It was very strange. It was kinda Matrix-ey, but not dark like that. Cuz I'm not Matrix-ey. Neither are my dreams. The narrator of my dream was a Chinese American man named Wittman Ah Sing, a character from "The Fifth Book of Peace" by Maxine Hong Kingston. Because that was what I was reading as I fell asleep. I had another dream (not in code and not narrated) that there was a pretty little chubby baby playing on my floor and that she was mine, but I didn't realize it at first. Because she didn't have my eyes. Her eyes were green. EVERYONE in my family has blue eyes. So do all my 8 nieces and nephews. Oh yeah, and she was blonde. But unlike Jena, I want dark-haired babies. But even though she wasn't what I expected, I was ok with it. Really really ok with it, because she was mine. Then I dreamed that I was walking home in the dark by myself and I was afraid. I passed the house of a friend, but I didn't ask him to walk me home. I didn't even knock on his door. But I wanted to. I just kept walking. I got to a wide stone bridge and was afraid to cross it by myself, in the dark. There was a lot of water under that bridge. A stranger came on a bicycle and held my hand and walked me across the bridge. When we got to the other side, I looked closer at him and saw it was my friend. He turned around and went back the way he came. Then I dreamed I was sitting in church with my friend's mother. She was holding my hand and she was hopeful and kind. I loved her very much. Then my friend came and sat next to me and I was sad, because I missed him, even though he was sitting next to me. I woke up sad.

Annoyed

I just realized that my new template doesn't show who posted each comment. Luckily I have email comment notification that tells me. Bear with me ya'll, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, there are still some bugs I'm working out of my site... in the mean time, please leave your name on your comments, just in case I haven't checked my email. Thanks!!

W blows it again.

This is ridiculous. But not surprising.

GIVE!

As ya'll well know, I was born and raised in the South and have lived through my fair share of hurricanes. What's happening along the Gulf Coast is mind boggling, terrifying, and heart breaking. I've spent hours glued to the TV getting as much information as I can. Every few hours it gets to be too much and I have to take a break and focus on my life. It's a delicate balance between living normally and staying aware of what's happening. I refuse to be apathetic. I find myself sitting in front of my TV with my hands over my mouth and tears running down my face. That could have been me a hundred times over. It could very easily be my family. I instinctively want to lend a hand, but find my life obligations keep me from volunteering or from giving in the way I want to. There is a solution though. Giving blood. The news media hasn't really focused on this ever present need because things are still in the search & rescue and basic needs phases. Blood is a need and will always be a need. As people begin to get the medical treatment they need, the blood supply will get low, like it always does in times of crisis. This is where poor college students can help. Giving blood is the truest way to give of yourself and it doesn't cost a dime. If you go to http://www.redcross.org/ you can find your local chapter of the Red Cross and look for blood drives in your area. You can even set up an appointment online to donate. I'm donating on Monday, September 12th. I don't care if you're squeamish, donate anyway.

Delusions of Grandeur

For those who were wondering, I am not auditioning for American Idol. There are a lot of reasons, I'll list some of them so you can get a better idea why not:
One being America's decision to crown Buffy the Fashion Slayer as this year's winner. Seriously ya'll, she can sing alright, but Vonzell was 200% better and had way more personality.
Reason two is that I'm not a competitive person, but I'm a Diva. I don't want to compete, I would just expect to win.
Three, I'm not up for the drama. I dont' think I could handle the hysterical-overly-dramatic-my-life-will-end-if-I-don't-get-on-this-show-
I-sold-my-wedding-ring/soul-I-don't-get-out-much-this-audition-is-
really-a-cry-for-help sobbing fools.
Four, I don't want to be famous, I just want to have some really great pictures taken of myself that I can hang in every room of my house.
Oh, and I want to record a CD; somehow Joe, Moydie, Me, two guitars, an amp, and a mini-disk recorder in a very small bathroom just doesn't cut it.
Another thing, I don't know if I can make sell-out music. I don't mean that in the "I hope it sells out" kind of way, I mean it in the "bands with street cred shouldn't sell out to a big label" kinda way. But what is that and why do I think like that? Everyone starts a band for a little recognition and hopefully some money. I think I just need a blues band and some weekend gigs here and there and a good photographer and a small fan club and I'll be alright. Oh yeah, and these.
And did I mention that I like my life as it is right now? Except for my lack of red stiletto boots...