Decorating

An auction house offered me a whopping $50 for both couches in my living room and the only response I've gotten from my craigslist ad is an email that asked, "Grandma, is that you?" While I find both of these things completely hilarious, I'm SO ready to be rid of these! Honestly, deep down I know they probably aren't worth more than $50 to anyone but my MIL (who had them custom made 20+ YEARS AGO and thinks they're worth a couple grand). I thought I'd at least make enough to buy a slipcover for the couch we're getting from my mom... maybe not.

A work of art in 1992.

Yeah baby, birds and flowers AND fruit. Don't be jealous.

Before you ask, slip-covering these couches is not an option, they are a really odd size and nothing fits. The couch from my mom is a more standard size and we can cover it easily. These smell like musty old goose feathers and I just plain don't want them. I'd give them away, but I'd like to be compensated for the pleasure of having these in my home for a year and a half. They have made decorating so easy (because everything goes with a raisin/green/turquoise/pink blend) and have been wonderful "conversation" pieces.

In trying to rid myself of them, I've done research and spoken to used furniture buyers and this is what you should know: Custom made furniture is nearly impossible to sell. Period. If it's old, but not a true antique, it's worth nothing. You heard right, NOTHING. No one cares that the frame is solid wood or that the cushions are goose down. People willing to buy ugly old furniture that isn't antique are looking for rock bottom deals. No one is willing to take on a 90's Chic pattern like this unless they're desperate or crazy. I've thought about getting rid of them since the day they arrived, but this time I'm serious. They're going to somebody by the end of next week. I'm ready.

I've been looking at decorating blogs and magazines for months and the styles that Grit and I both gravitate to every time is Cottage, Nantucket, and Cape Cod. Probably because we both grew up in coastal areas. Even though we live in the scalding desert, we're going to try to make our little apartment feel more beach cottage.

Our upcoming home decorating projects include:

-The Great Couch Purge of 2011.
-Replacing the fall colored engagement photos on the living room wall with some of the colorful photos we took on our Anniversary this year. (Already ordered! I'm picking them up later today!)
-New lampshade for a pretty antique lamp on loan from my mom.
-Painting our raggedy gray file cabinet a really great beachy blue. We went to Home Depot last night for tools and paint! I love gift cards. Did you know that all Martha Stewart paint is low-VOC now? Hooray! I'll try to remember to post photos when I'm done.
-Painting our 1970's computer desk (still choosing a color) and replacing the handles with enamel knobs.
-Sanding and refinishing various wood furniture we have: antique night table, walnut vanity, goose-neck rocking chair. The rocking chair also needs new upholstery.
-We're also saving up to get some original art. We already have a few pieces in mind!
-I'm also going to try my hand at creating some original art pieces for our home.

Wish me luck!

big changes

So... I went ahead and changed it as you can see. I completely redid the layout and the name. I considered naming it "big changes," but I'm totally feeling "and so it begins" for now. What do you think? Any problems viewing it? The background should be textured, not blue. Any suggestions for me? I'm totally open to feedback as I'm still tweaking things. Lemme know.

Trust

I have been very restless for the past week and a half. I have so much on my mind. From the moment I lost my job, I have been sure that things are going to be okay. I was really mad for a while and sometimes I still am. That job was such a specific answer to a prayer and was a long time coming. I learned a lot in the short time I was there and truly enjoyed my work. I was good at my job. I was the primary bread winner. My husband is a full-time student and has a part-time job. I do have concerns about making ends meet, but I have never doubted that things are going to be okay. I prayed long and hard about whether to take action against my former employer. God has left it up to me. I've decided to use my precious energy only for things that will benefit me and my family. I need to let this hurt go and move on.

Having this time to really and truly rest has paid off. I have been feeling stronger each day. I still have a lot of really difficult days, but they aren't as intense. My darling husband has been encouraging me to rest and meditate. There are days when I can do nothing. Days when the dishes are piled up and the laundry needs doing and I am too weak to get to it. I am so hard on myself on these days. He works and studies so hard and then comes home to care for me. He is letting me do what I need to and in my own way. This is such a gift. I have been thinking, processing, resting, and praying. I pray for him. That God will give him everything he needs and desires. That I can bless his life as much as he blesses mine. 

Somewhere deep down, I've known all along what I'm meant to do with this time. I've been afraid of it. Afraid to ask and have it confirmed. Receiving an actual confirmation meant facing fears and having the faith to really and truly put it in God's hands. I need to feel in control; I always look before I leap and sometimes I don't leap because I've looked. Lately I've endured night after restless night of bad dreams and day after day of bad moods. Like Jonah, I had to stop ignoring the prompting to truly ask and have the courage to act. I gave in and spent a long time on my knees in conversation with God today. I knelt in a quiet place and spoke to Him out loud. It was the rare clear conversation that every prayer aspires to be. I asked, He answered. He asked, I answered. I laid out all of my fears. He reassured me. But for every promise, I expressed a new fear. But for every new fear, I received a promise. On and on we went until I agreed to trust Him completely and to do what He asks so that He can give me what I need. Once I truly put it in His hands, I received the peace and comfort that I have craved.

He is asking me to leap because He has already looked.

I trust Him and I know that everything will work out for our good.

Big Cosmic Sucker Punch

Regular blogging is forthcoming. I promise! I have so many thoughts I want to share. I'm unplugging all day tomorrow and I'm going to miss my best friend, the internet, but it should be nice. It's just going to be for one day... we'll see.

I'm right in the thick of a horrible "episode" of chronic fatigue and it's literally running my life. It took me a few hours to wash a sink full of dishes today because I needed lots of breaks. I'm just spending a lot of time resting and trying to get better. As of last week I'm unemployed so I'm taking the time to heal. We just hope we can afford for me to do so. I'm also praying about and mulling over whether or not I need to take legal action against my former employer for discrimination and unfair dismissal. I don't feel like I have the energy for it right now. But can you really fire someone with a chronic condition for missing work and then tell them that you'll hire them back when they aren't sick anymore because they do such a great job when they're at work? Hello? Chronic condition. Been diagnosed for 10 years now. It's not going away. 

Grit has been so amazing. He's so patient and gentle and gives me so much encouragement. I feel so bad when he has to do things for me because the poor guy has so much on his plate. He's a full time student, he works, and he's got a wife who is an invalid right now. I will pretty much do anything he asks me for the rest of my life because he's been so incredible through the past two months of this. 

I'm just focusing on little tasks each day and truly taking the time to rest and I've got my fingers crossed that this big cosmic sucker punch passes soon.

Here's hoping.

Well hello there

Hi friends. I've been reading so many blogs lately and completely neglecting mine. I've been feeling very nest-ish and really house hungry. I'm so over apartment life. Since Grit is still a full time student and we aren't planning to settle here long term, a house is pretty much out of the question. We're looking for a guest house or a town house to rent since our lease is up at the end of this month. I've really liked our little place, but we've been battling with mold since we moved in and it's been causing asthma problems for both of us. Also, all the windows are on one side of our apartment so we can never get a good cross breeze when the weather is nice. I've been looking at tons of interior design blogs and getting ideas for decorating small spaces. When we first moved in I didn't care what it looked like. I was busy trying to learn how to be married and we were trying to figure out how to merge two lives so decorating was not a big priority. Now that we're so much more settled together, I'm obsessed with organizing and decorating our space. I've recently gotten rid of tons of clothes and random things that have been sitting around in boxes for too long. It feels good to purge. We looked at a great little guest house close by that we loved, but they were asking a more than we can afford. We talked them down some, but in the end they wouldn't come down enough to make it worth our while. We'd be moving into a space with 110 sq ft less space with practically no storage for $150 more than we're paying now. We asked him to come down $100 and he'd only do $50. We're still looking. Wish us luck!

Another haircut and good news!

I'm loving having short hair again, it's so much fun. These are from an impromptu photo shoot in my bathroom. They aren't the best quality, but I like 'em. Thanksgiving was great. Grit and I spent it with my mom and siblings at my mom's house. I really love my family. Everyone is so chill - most of the time. Since it's going to be our first Christmas married, we're making plans to do our own thing and have been talking a lot about the traditions we want to start as a family. The one tradition we want to carry on from both of our families is to spend part of the day outdoors. My family always went to the beach for the afternoon and his went snow skiing. Here in the desert, we're going to go for a hike. I'm really looking forward to it!

In even better news: I finally got a new job. After putting up with a lot of crap from my former employer for nearly 2 years, I'm going back into social services. I started last week and I love it so far. I have a lot to learn since my social service experience has been working with the homeless population and victims of crime. My new position is working with foster families. I'll be helping families through the process of getting licensed and acting as a support and advocate. I was beginning to get really discouraged since I have been actively applying and interviewing for jobs for 2 years and nothing worked out. I even had an interview where they told me I was their favorite candidate and that they'd get back to me ASAP and I still didn't get it. When I found this job, I nearly didn't apply because it had been on a job board for more than a month and in this economy that usually means it's already been filled. I kept going back to it though and they called me 45 minutes after I emailed them my resume. I interviewed a week later and although it went really well, they said they had more interviews to do and would get back to me the week after Thanksgiving. They called me 3 hours later! and asked me to come back the next day (Thursday) for a second interview. The second interview went better than the first and after it was over I stayed for about 20 more minutes just laughing and joking with the team that interviewed me. Again, they said they'd get back to me after Thanksgiving. The next day (Friday) I sent a thank you email for the opportunity to interview with them and they called me 20 minutes later to offer me the job. I was over the moon! I started the following Monday and tomorrow will be my second week with them. As I was leaving the second interview, I understood why God took a little while to answer this particular prayer. I'd been praying for the very specific things I needed in a job. A regular 9-5, no weekends, full benefits, good pay, respectful of family time, respectful and appreciative of my abilities, wonderful work atmosphere, awesome co-workers, no more than 10 miles from home, working in a field a can feel good about. When you get specific, sometimes you have to wait, but let me tell you, God answers prayers. I feel as though this job was made for me. He knows me, knows not only my needs, but my wants and has truly blessed us.

Remembering

On the morning of September 11th, 2001, I was volunteering at the Salvation Army in Findlay, Ohio, a full-time missionary for the LDS church. We heard reports that something was happening over the radio and someone plugged in a t.v. My companion and I held each other tight and with tears running down our faces, we watched the second tower fall. I remember the horror, fear and speculation that we shared with everyone around us. There were reports that there was a plane headed for Cleveland and we were all very worried, even though we were two hours away from there. We were advised to stay away from government buildings and to stay home and wait for news. In the days that followed, the world grieved with us and so very many people came together. There seemed to be something in the air that encouraged people to be more courteous, more patient, and more understanding. 

Then came the anger. 

Anger is a natural part of grief. While I support the need to get answers and seek justice, I have never been okay with the vilification of Islam. I grew up with many Muslims and my experience with Islam has always been positive. The first time I heard Toby Keith sing about lighting up the sky and putting his boot in someones ass, I was HORRIFIED. I will not listed to his music even now because of it. I could not support something called Shock and Awe - the ones who truly suffered had NOTHING to do with our tragedy. I think about the terror of children woken from their sleep to the sound of bombs. Thousands of innocent Iraqi people are dead. I believe wholeheartedly in accountability and consequences, but not revenge. It bothers me that some waive the American flag while spewing anger and hate and intolerance. This quote by Barbara Kingsolver is one of my favorites:

"But our flag is not just the logo for wars; it is the flag of American pacifists too. It's the flag of all of us who love our country enough to do the hard work of living up to its highest ideals." 

-Barbara Kingsolver, Small Wonder 

About a year after the attacks, I was in a new area in Ohio knocking on doors on a beautiful summer night and met the most wonderful Muslim family. They invited us to sit on the porch with them and enjoy the night air. We spent the time talking about all of the things our religions have in common and our hopes for the world. I learned much more about Islam and I left that porch with an even deeper understanding and respect for it. 


My heart goes out to all who have lost loved ones in this conflict - all over the world. I hope that we can all be cautious and careful about the way our actions may affect others. 

Gone baby gone!

I'd been craving a change for a while and kept my hair long until the wedding passed. About 3 weeks after the wedding Grit got tired of me whining about my hair and handed me the phone to call my stylist. Usually I mull over a big change for a few months while I sort through photos but after the call I had less than 24 hours to decide. I pulled a photo out of a folder I'd been saving since my days at hair school and went to my appointment the next morning. My stylist, AJ, said that brides always come to chop all their hair off about 3 weeks after the wedding! I couldn't be happier with my short hair and don't know what took me so long!

We're shopping for a new computer. We have one rickety old desktop and two terribly old laptops that are of very little use to us. Something's got to give! I can't live without a computer right now in my life. I read so many blogs that I love and we both use the computer for EVERYTHING from online budgeting to recipe finding and how-to videos and Grit is about to start school... it's time.

Grit has finally decided to major in electrical engineering. He wants to get involved with solar technology. I'm all for it. I'm pretty much all for whatever he wants to do. I'm still slowly working on my Doula certification. We're trying to decide how much schooling he wants to do here before we move out East. We both really want to move - we're just worried about jobs and not having family close by. It'll be a big and scary leap for us, but we're going to try to do it next Spring.

I'm not dead!

I promise to return to blogging soon! We don't have internet in our apartment right now so I'm limited to checking my email and such wherever I can for the time being. Here's a brief summary of what's going on with me:

Married life is good, I'll post some photos before too long!
I chopped all my hair off last month at the suggestion of my darling husband and I LOVE it.
I'm back to work on my Doula certification and am up to my ears in birth books.
We're contemplating moving out of Arizona - we need an adventure! Hopefully we don't chicken out!

I have so many things I want to blog about and I'm determined to do it soon!

Speaking of birth books, I just read my most favorite one in the entire world, "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin. Read it. Love it. I sho' did.

Wedding Website

Hola Peeps!

We made a wedding website! Go check it out and sign the guest book!

To view it go HERE.

41 Days and counting!

Gratitude

I have a lot of good things going on in my life right now so I'm going to make a list of things I'm grateful for.

Having a job. It may not be my favorite, but my bills are getting paid.
My ZANY and amazingly loving family.
My 2 nephews and niece who live close by and who are always as happy to see me as I am them!
My supportive, forgiving, and hilarious friends. Ya'll just get me. Thanks.
Quiet moments of introspection - there've been a lot of these lately.
Journals with lots of pages that help me get my crazy jumble of thoughts out where I can see and organize them.
A loving God who allows me to make mistakes and helps me learn from them.
A new and unexpected friend who takes long walks with me and holds my hand and is patient while I get back into the swing of this relationship thing.
Sunshine, even though I like the heat less this year than ever before.
Air conditioning.
Sundresses and flipflops.
23 lbs gone... forever.
A trip to Utah in July (20-27). I can hardly wait!!!
Life is good.

Mulling

So.... as you can probably tell, I'm in love with all things orange right now. Living with citrus trees in the yard is bliss and quite inspiring. I've been wearing lots of orange and yellow and want to paint everything tangerine. I've been busy trying to find a job, deal with family issues, and tie up loose ends. I'd love to sit down and put up a really fabulous layout that perfectly embodies all things citrus, but I don't have the patience today.  I've been mulling over my quarterly goals and haven't set anything concrete yet... besides getting a job. I have some categories, but I still need to narrow them down to something specific. 

I can definitely say that I need more music in my life. Not music listening, music making. As in, I have a guitar, flute, piano and violin that are so ignored that their self esteem is beginning to suffer. Also, I rarely ever sing anymore unless I'm driving and that doesn't really count. Not that I'm all that great at any of them, but that's what I am trying to remedy. I was friends with a guy who told me once that he'd always really wanted to learn the guitar, but now he was too old to be any good at it so he wouldn't try. He was 19. I think you can learn anything at any age and become reasonably proficient. I'm only 28! I've got a lot of years ahead of me God willing! 

Which leads me to my next point...

I can also definitely say that I intend to take better care of my health. I'd like to live a long long time and that won't happen if I just do whatever I want to all the time. So I'll have to come up with a health goal for this quarter that I can reasonably stick to. None of this, I will never ever eat ice cream again, that's just setting myself up to fail. I'm not all about that. Deprivation never did anyone any good. I'll let you know when I decide what the goal will be for sure. Yes, I'm aware that we're halfway through January.

I also need to set a social goal. I'll admit that I've been a serious hermit for a long while now. It's not healthy for me. My nature is very open and friendly and I love people and all their quirks and LOVE meeting new people. So, meeting my social needs will happen in my near future.

I would like to set another goal around gardening. It's such a major stress reliever for me. I need to make plans around how often I will get down and dirty. Along with this, I have been trying to buy as much local produce as possible and so I think I'll set a goal around this as well. Local produce is better for the body (it isn't picked before it's ready and transported 1500 miles or more), the economy (buy local!), and the environment (not trucked via diesel 1500+ miles). How great is it that such a simple thing has so many good consequences? If you need to find your local farmer's markets, 

go to: www.localharvest.org

 

Thank you!

Thank you to all of my wonderful friends for your support and your kind words and your anger on my behalf! It's greatly appreciated!

Here's the update:

I really haven't freaked out or felt too worried or anxious about the situation. Inexplicably, I feel relieved. I decided from practically the first moment to not look back. I have a tendency in my life to hash things over for far too long, so I decided not to do it this time. I wasn't given an explanation, so I chose not to look for one. Moving on.

As it turns out, none of the yarn stores can afford me. Go figure. I'm looking for jobs and taking it easy and setting new goals for myself. It feels good to have a break. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do yet... but it'll come. I do know that I have 2 months worth of money in my bank account and the thought is reassuring, for now. If I can get out of my rental contract, I can stretch my money for 4 months. Hopefully I won't need to!

I feel confident that something will come along soon.